To my dearest sister,
I've been planning to write this for quite some time, but I just couldn't come around to writing it. The trouble wasn't in what to write but where to start, where do I start? How do I begin this? As I'm stalling to find a good beginning to this letter, my mind gets side tracked and I go into a deep introspection pondering on a question. What do you mean to me? My first memory goes back to what our mother told me when we were children, She said "Vinu, do you know why your father and I decided to give you a sister?, and I asked why?" and she replied saying this " When we die and leave this earth, we wanted you to have someone you can call, your own, your own flesh and blood, so always love her and protect her". Though our stories were closely knit together as kids, life has taken us on different paths. As we are not only separated by vast lands and oceans, we have lost a lot of time since the moment our lives have started as adults. Predominately in most relationships it is not the vastness of the lands or the oceans separating individuals that kills the bond. It's the time spent in silence, time is a strange thing because you could be living right next to someone and yet feel like you're miles apart cause you don't have time to spend with this person or due to other personally problems. Time spent in this silence creates a dangerous distance irrespective of the physical distance between these individuals. But sometimes, something beautiful and powerful is forged in that silence, for its in the quiet moments that all bonds are tested. It's in the quiet moments the beauty of any bond is also revealed. It's in that quietness you see the truth through the illusions. While you are busy building your life and me building mine always remember this, don't let that silence and the ocean of time separating us fool you in anyway, trick you by any means to understanding it for abandonment or neglect. And finally when we get to spend all the time in the world, of what is left, let us not become strangers and drift away quietly becoming old people. Let me be not a fading memory after my death but a warm one that inspires, comforts, loves and liberates you to absolute freedom.
Me, being a self absorbed individual firmly rooted into my pursuits, not finding time at all for anyone is just the way I am. The pieces of this puzzle I'm trying to put together, I must admit, has got tedious and wasn't as simple and easy as I thought it would be and it is taking more time than I anticipated, but trust me, when every last piece falls in its place everything would make sense. Life is like this, you got to dream and go all out and make it happen. Trust me when I tell you this, you have to go and conquer the world for yourself and feel deserving of it, nobody can do this for you not even me and the world isn't going to come to your door step saying, you are deserving. So don't wait, polish those shoes, sharpen those pencils and get going. And if you come back to me with problems and I don't support you it's because you should learn to fight your own battles, on your own, remember only small people have problems, winners have challenges. And I have always seen you as a champion, see that promise in yourself, aim for the stars, don't think, don't wait for anyone's permission just go and get it done. It's just like how you learnt to swim, once the fear is lost then everything will fall into its place. Live each day with purpose, a small step each day is more than sufficient. This is actual life happening to you now, this is it, you are actually living it, it is happening to you as you are reading this, think, as hard as you want, dream as deep as you can, on how you would like to live this life, what kind of a woman you want to be and then don't be afraid to take your chances. Live a life that makes your heart feel full with life, satisfaction and love each day, let it come bursting out of you, in full gusto and vitality. And if all you want to do is, is sit on a sofa and eat cakes it's fine for me but at least bake the cakes.
Life is one endless journey with hundreds of journey's within, it's a series of processes wherein learning and growing as a person is a constant until the day you depart. Life becomes stagnant when you refuse to grow as a person, this growth is very essential for the overall wellbeing of yourself and the ones you nurture. Understand that even though you may have multiple roles in your life such as a mother, wife, daughter and so on, there is something else inside you that craves a life separate from all these roles. Nurturing that part of you is paramount, otherwise you will feel like, you have been reduced to just these labels and your identity is just restricted to these roles. These are just roles you play in your life but you are much bigger than this, the idea of you is beyond this labelling, so while you are on this voyage sailing through the tides of life, don't forget yourself but instead discover who you truly are and then be that person, built a true bond with your soul and encourage yourself to live a life guided from it. The majority of the people around you will project their fears and shower their negativity of life on you, pay no attention to the nay sayers, remember the world will always be the way you see it. And if its a beautiful world you seek then you need to feel the same way within you. But don't be folly on your judgement of the real world, accept it for what it is, but always seek only the beauty in it, but also by acknowledging the darkness it bears. Celebrate every moment on this planet, because while you are on your death bed and just before the moment you are about to leave this life, nothing else would matter other than the way you lived your life. So live it to its fullest, try and fail if you must but always try, and while you're trying and failing in life don't give up cause victory could have been right about the corner of that disappointment. Be relentless in your pursuits and enjoy both failure and success equally, and embrace the process of each journey you take, and take it one day at a time.
I want you to know in those quiet moments, sad moments, hard moments and specially the painful moments that I am always with you. Cheering you, knowing with full confidence that you will make it. You are a tough woman with endless potential. Don't let the man's world scare you nor make you feel small. I know the challenges of being a woman who is a mother and a working lady is not easy, I know the harshness of this world could be intimidating at times, I know the world might seem like a very selfish place where you feel robbed of all your efforts. Don't worry in these moments be patient and kind to yourself as these are minor setbacks you will face along the way. One day when you make it, you will thank these challenges for it made a stronger woman out of you. Be silent and graceful during the dark times for it is in this phase you will really built yourself and discover your purpose or true self. And never ever bear any doubt about yourself, there isn't anyone on this planet who went ahead and achieved whatever they achieved by knowing it all before getting it done. Don't fear that unknown and unfamiliar space as we are all learning through the experience and the knowledge is received only after experiencing it. Never think you are alone, remember that, it is in these moments I'm with you more than you know it. This life is a beautiful journey and I want you to trust in yours, believe in it, in every heart beat and every breath you take. For as long as there is life in you, there is also the promise of you awaiting to be experienced. I know life hasn't been very kind for you at the start but then if you're up to changing it your happy ending is just around the corner. I can only defend you against the world but I can't defend you against your own mind. That space between your temples keep them calm and happy, be the cool one in the head and the one with the fiery heart. Most importantly, you are enough for me as you are, you are perfect just as you are, so don't let anybody else make you believe that, in any other way.
What do you mean to me? The question still lies, but I guess I'll stop here for now and tell you some other time.
🤗
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