In My Silence

I've been looking for you, you who I've been staring at the mirror

But every time I think I'm close you only seem more distant than nearer

I've been searching for a way, a way to understand the man but he seems lost forever

And the reflection seems to blur through the distance because I'm somewhere in there and no where altogether

I see so many faces and I wonder which one is the man looking back at me

Am I just the fragments of the imagination of others or is there more man in me.

Is there more to the eyes that stare back at me?, Is there the promise I believe and feel in me?

 There's promise somewhere between those blurry lines the picture is just forming and so far it's  been a  survivors disguise.

 All I have is a hint and I'm still riddling out the riddle of me 

Sadly the only thing I can make out of these pieces is that its not really me

What does he fear? Why don't he reveal himself to me? Why all these trials and why so much of mystery?

Somedays he feels like me and most days like a stranger

He builds himself up and in a second and the next instant destroys himself like an invader

Constantly looking and searching for how I truly should feel, while everything feels like a mistake and at the same time who I should be

I've been you through the moody Mondays and the distracting escapades

I've been you through the constructive hard days and the destructive mad days

I've been you through the pains and the gains

I'be been you when you were promising and when you failed

But nothing of what I am feels like its close to who I truly could be 

And at the same time I have never felt so intimately close too this version of me and I have never felt more stranger than the stranger still hiding in me

The man behind the dreams and the puppet who's still held down by invisible  strings

The man searching for his wings while the winds so turbulently kick him off his heels

I am all of these and much more than what you can see cause the real me is yet to be revealed

Been trying to understand you but I guess I'll never figure you out 

Cause you're so rare and unique, the one like no one around

So when the journey gets lone and tiresome 

I just close my eyes and lose myself in my silence 

Where unfelt words lighten up

Sparking emotions that blows through me like a gentle breeze

And in the dead center of that silence 

I become the miracle I'm always meant to be

Suddenly I recognize the man in the mirror

While I drift away in my silence keeping this secret hidden in me forever

Be That Man

 

I want to be that man who is very relentless in his life

The one who won't give up even when the odds doesn't seem right.

I want to be that man who walks a different path 

A path no man has taken before,  a path no one dares to walk

I want to be that man manly like the man who gave him his life

The one who isn't afraid of what life throws at him 

And enjoys each moment specially the challenging times

I want be that man who never shies away from a fight 

But picks them wisely as he knows his strength and he's tamed his demons quiet

I want to be that man that looks at his challenges with a smile

Even when his enemies outnumber him, he's a whole other animal if provoked so they better hide

I want to be that man who's gentle and kind

And yet flirts with danger as he is also a monster in his mind

I want to be that man who's calm headed and wise 

The one who creates wonders and leads his clan to greater heights

I want to be that man that turns the wheel of destiny 

The one that achieves the impossible in-spite of all the misery

I want to be that man that stands against unjust minds

A man not just with a voice but also of action when its the time

I want to be that man that takes it one day at a time

Living life to the fullest even when life seems boring or a struggle to survive

I want to be that man who lives no fake life or a lie

The one who is bare as his soul just like the Gods intended unique creative and passionately alive

I want to be that man who's given the hardest tests

The one that's given those challenges that prophecies speak off in old tales and legends

I want to be that man who stands for something in his life

The one that brings the change that everyone was waiting for a long time

I want to be that man who's full of honor

The one who lives by a code and his word, humble and grounded

I want to be that man who is all do or die

The one that will go the distance where others won't even try 

I want to be that man who isn't afraid to stand alone

Even when the masses won't call him their own 

I want to be the man who's tried all and went the whole extend

Even if he meets failure at the very end. 

I want to be that guy who never gives up

Always hungry and ambitious chasing dreams bigger than all the universes put as one

I want to be that man who'll move mountains

The one that works wisely conquering his limitations

I want to be that man building his own empire

An empire for the generations that comes after he expires

I want to be that man who made his life worth living

Enjoying his time on Earth as long as he lives in it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Pain

 

This pain is beautiful, it hurts, but it feels right.

This pain is beautiful, it's tearing me apart, but it's fixing all the lies.

This pain is beautiful, it burns, but it cleanses my insides.

This pain is beautiful, it's brutal, but it is making me love me for all I am even the dark sides.

This pain is beautiful, it traps me, and it helps me to find my wings so I could fly.   

This pain is beautiful, it blinds me, and then teaches me to trust all over again through those darkest nights.

This pain is beautiful, it betrays me, and it helps me find my truth hidden in my mind.

This pain is beautiful, it kills me slowly, and slowly it heals me back to life.

This pain is beautiful, it suffocates me, and frees me from my sins weighing me down in my life.

This pain is beautiful, it moves me to tears, and then it releases the demons plaguing my life. 

This pain is beautiful, given by so many people, and yet it teaches me forgiveness than to fight.

This pain is beautiful, it confuses me, and then reveals the path made just for me in this life.

This pain is beautiful, it numbs me of any emotion, and then teaches me compassion through its eyes.

This pain is beautiful, it pains me, until the pain itself feel like love from the divine

This pain is beautiful, it fights me from the person, I'm no longer in my life.

This pain is beautiful, it feels like my enemy, but it becomes a friend that saves me time to time.

This pain is beautiful, it is so painful, that it feels like pleasure sometimes

This pain is so many things expressing itself through my life

Sometimes I think I'm just pain but at the end of each journey it gives me the bliss I deserve in my life

This pain is beautiful cause it is tearing the illusions and the lies

It is setting me free everyday in a way I cannot describe

Sometimes it breaks me down when I not accepting of its trials

It makes me bleed in ways just to show me that I'm destined to rise for the skies

This pain is so beautiful sometimes it makes me cry

Not because it pains me but because I have something so special guiding me through my life

Like an angel sent out from the heavens for me he takes me by the hand and makes me wise

He is tough love but love at it's purest with my best interest in it's mind

This pain is beautiful sometimes I feel I cannot live without it in my life

It's making me a man out of a boy like the Gods wanted it as I'm destined for greater tides

This pain so beautiful I have no words to describe

Guess you need to be lucky like me chosen to carry this burden a miracle in disguise

A blessing sent from the ancestors giving me wonders while I survive

I hope it stays with me always cause sometimes I feel its my father 

Helping me from the heavens showing the way making me shine

This pain so beautiful it is a gift more than a pain 

It is the compass that is guiding me through my doubts and the bad phase

It is the fire from which I am forged tough and rugged through its fire storms

It makes me bold and strong through its cold and brutal frost bites

I have been shaped and reshaped me by all its seasons through out my life

This pain is beautiful can you see it too

Are you also someone in pain that seems to betray you

Open not your eyes but your heart and see, and then you'll realize what it is and how to set it free

You gotta embrace it as it is the only solution to your twisted life's deeds

The only thing showing you the truth of you and how to be free

So pay attention this one last time, learn from it and grow and conquer your life's trials

Stare at the mirror in marvel and wonder of the man you behold in your eyes

And thank the pain that set you free without asking anything for a price

This pain is beautiful it is the best thing in my life

Embrace your pain before it's too late and be the person who you are destined tin this life.

The Truth

Why am I here I keep asking?
What is it like to truly live I keep pondering?
Trapped in a head filled with so much imagination.
Thinking if these are the ways to live
With so much hesitation
I slide through life hoping I’ll get a chance to live it fully 
One exhilarating exploration exploding out of me
With many surprises beyond my anticipation and imagination
But I've faced many trials that has put me in an unsettling disposition
Because life is a complete mystery 
And I swing between happiness and utter confusion 
I stay stuck between this dance of it's highs and lows
Inspite of all the work that I've put in
I have been hit back with all the resistance and remorse
While I started this journey with only one mission 
And that mission in mind is towards excellence 
I’m tired of fighting and my energy is drained 
Drained out of my existence and efforts are going in vain
Still not willing to give up nor give in
Still willingly able to get back up and fight it till the end
But I’m at the end of my patience 
And I wish I'd strike some luck
Before this life fucks me up

There was a time long back when magic happened out off habit
Life flowed and glowed
Pulling rabbits out of hats metaphorically happened            
But somehow life hit me with a lightning bolt 
Stole the rabbit and the hat and the magic from my hold
With my mojo stolen I roamed about like a hobo 
Hoping for a miracle to save me from my sorrows
Cause I felt destroyed and betrayed 
Hurt and lost without my magic it was pure dismay
Looking for the spark in every single branch in every todays and tomorrows 
And nobody could help me cause this was not something I could borrow
Because your magic is your magic 
Without it you cannot create and this was my sorrow
This is life it has it’s ways, sometimes your up or fading away
Sometimes it does not give a fuck 
Even if you have been riding through life’s tests
Sometimes you got to fall to such an extend 
That getting back up seems scary or too tedious in your head
Only the strongest of the strongest are given these test so they come to realize                                          That they religiously blew it up looking through the ego’s eyes
While the magic hid deep within them even if they could not see it in their minds
Realizing this was the mystery life was teaching me
To see through my soul as I'm more than I've imagined me to be 

This is life, sometimes it’s green and sometimes it’s red 
Sometimes your on the highway instead
It gives you everything and then takes it away 
So that you learn the value of you from all the materials and the hate
So that you learn, you are the magic itself 
And learning to believe in you through all these tests
The picture might not be clear but always keep the faith
Because after one devastating fall all you'll have is your faith
A faith directed to thy own self
The only person who can set you free from your life's test
In you, you should believe to the very end
As the answers are embedded in your very head
The truth be told it is sort of a revealing 
The grandness of the creator is in you 
So don't stop beliveing 
All the riches are buried in your soul 
Only if you could see this can you see the truth that life holds.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Father

Sad, a sadness, fill, filling in me. 
Thought you would always be here
And be my strength and fight life along side me
But I guess nothing lasts until eternity
And now I feel the nothingness pouring inside me
And the emptiness of a life without you next to me
Look, I'm looking for you

But you are no where around me

Feeling heavy like the truth is about to hit me

What I thought was not possible became my reality

Now your in a whole other realm

Where you can't take me 

Is this how it was supposed to be 

Why did it end so fast?

Why did you make it hard?

I keep feeling sorry for all the shit that I have done

And your not here for me to ask 

Forgiveness for so many things

And I still can't accept you left and went flying away with your wings

Why didn't you call I was waiting

Hoping we'll talk and mend those bruises

And hold each other up until the pain starts losing

Healing together hoping for a new begening 

Where are you? Do you see me from where you are

Do come and pay a visit here and then 

Cause I miss you with all my heart

Throw me a sign on a hard day 

Whisper in my ears when I'm in dismay

Let the breeze come blowing 

So I feel your hand on my shoulder

Let me know that even when your gone

You will make me strong and bolder

Hold my hand through tough times

Protect me from my enemies  

Who's coming to stab me from my blind side

Show me a sign that your at my corner

And I'll fight through this life and I will not squander

I'll push through my limits and rise for your honour

With a fierceness no one can ever conquer

I promise that I won't let my mind be weak

You should know

I'll give anything to see you one last time

Maybe this is my punishment 

For giving up on you and leaving without saying a goodbye

So I want you to know 

If you'll believe 

It took a whole lot of time to understand

That under all the anger and the pain

I always admired and loved you 

But the words wouldn't come out from me

I know it sounds insane 

But I guess we were all in pain

I hope to make you proud 

So you feel very alive in your spirit

And hope that even death can't separate 

A son from his father 

As some bonds are stronger than the Gods in the heavens

In Between Moments

Been staring at these blank pages wondering what to write

Been struggling to put some words in and arrange it such that it sounds wise

Lately I've got nothing, am just drifting, waiting for the chips to fall in line

During these in between moments I've got nothing to say and write

I've just got things to do and watch destiny unfold my life

What do champions do, I wonder, what goes through their mind

How do they handle these moments that makes them wait for a while

While waiting itself is not what they want and waiting they can't tolerate inside

And their body feels like moving when staying still would be wise

Is there a right thing to do when your whole being can't stay still?

I wonder if it is a test or just time taking a piss

To mess up the momentum you have built

Every new year is a reality check, it's terrifying to realise another year has gone and put to rest

Cause it makes me wonder of life and the journey taken

That  journey that has never found its destination

And the negative thoughts come flooding back into my mind

Another year to start things over, will this be the year I ask my mind?

Or will it be just another year that goes by.

Been chasing this dream for quiet sometime

Somehow it feels like the moment has arrived 

And I am nervous more than I can realise

What would have great men felt in these moments

What would be the thoughts that ran through their mind

I wonder what would they have focused in these in between moments

How do they turn the sober situations over and come out roaring

Turning every moment to their advantage soaring high

These in between moments they mean a lot

They are important more than all the moments you have fought

Cause there is no bigger addiction than winning in this life

So every moment is a step you take towards that moment to be surprised 

And these in between moments are the hardest to survive

Cause in these moments everything is beyond your control

And your left behind impatiently waiting for the story to unfold

Will it set me free? Will it turn out all right? 

Will it take me to the heavens and too unthinkable heights?

Can I stand tall?, Can I breath my first and be super fine?

Cause I've holding my breath for quiet sometime

I have seen many moments that have taken me close

Have overcome many disappoints more than you know

Have had the almost, Oh God, I almost had it moments

Hence these in between moments are not pleasant to be honest

It makes be nervous just out of habit

I must stay still or I might ruin it

I wonder what a warrior does in these moments

Got to teach myself to stay calm and live in the moment

With shields and spears and sword in hand

I wonder what happens in him when the bells of battle rang

Is he calm and quiet to march into the unknown?

When dead itself is waiting for him and the odds unknown

These in between moments always finds the worst of me

I hope this year I would conquer it cause I've been dancing with it 

And it already feels like an eternity to me

 So I walk into this year wondering where I'll be

Will I finally make it and will I be set free

For I yearn to rise from the depths that I've fallen

And finally give the closure to all these in between moments

Blood Lines Calling

 

Ancestors from the past are calling

Whispers in the air, blood lines are falling

Millions of them souls, before our time

All connected by the blood that flows inside  

Great men that walked on these lands in the past

Alive in our veins and have become forgotten dust 

Guiding you from beyond the grave

To rise and reclaim your family's honor and lost name 

What has been lost and forgotten 

Buried away underneath the sands of time rotting 

Wake up, wake up, I hear whispers inside my head

Bring back what was lost and what lays with the dead

Rise above the ones that failed over time

And don't go to rest without a fight

Make an effort for the future bloodlines

Teach them that they come from forefather's brave, courageous and wise

Don't fret that you are alone in this fight

Your blood carries us all in your veins, together we'll fight

Just listen, you might hear our cries

We were once the reason for you to survive

You're all chosen, but to the one that hears our call 

The one who will redeem us through his worldly cause

Fighting to restore the honour and the balance

The reason behind, why our names still fly high in the heavens

To him we would stay forever in debt 

For he would be the one, who brough back what was dead

You my child, the weak one in the corner

Know that the ancestors are with you forever

So, don't worry, this is not a burden but a gift 

You will carry our wisdom, our courage and our strengths

Start alone and let them all call you a fool

As no man believe in such things in today's moons

But thousands of us dead and gone will be fighting by your side

As you stand for us, we stand with you no matter if it's day or night

We will help you change every wrong to right

Protect you from the world's remorse and unseen dangers that arise

Bloodlines are calling is there anyone out there to heed our calling

One amongst you will hear us, even if it takes a thousand eons in despair

The one with the strong heart and a lion's roar will he born again

He will rise one day and lead the herds back home

He will reunite the clans that have broken away through the ages gone before

He reassures them of the greatness that lies inside 

Sleeping dormantly waiting to be tapped and revived

He'll remind them of the ancestors that walked this earth before their time

Who had the same blood but lived life king size

His roar will call out to them and  remind them of the for-gotten bloodlines 

The ancestors from whom, they all have come  to life

And the wisdom they carry inside them, is not a lie

But a gift they carry, if only they realise

For lost fathers, mothers and great, great, great, grandfathers he'll fight

For them all he'll bring back the honor that was forgotten over the wine

The blood lines are calling they always do

Waiting for the chosen one to hear them or awaken in you

And maybe he's not that far from their cries

No dead is really gone as their essence always flows through our lives

And the dreams that were left halfway behind 

Will breath its first, when the right souls comes by

No one can stop the calling of the bloodlines

Greatness will always be followed by greatness 

Irrespective of the time gone by. 

------------- To all the great souls before me, let your greatness flow through me --------------

 

Letters To My Sister - (Part 2)

 

Life is not going to have any surprises until you live like it's going to surprise you, most people live like it is going to disappoint them and so they don't believe in themselves enough, to take a risk on their dreams. They settle for a practical life, a life of uninspiring sacrifices and while they die slowly on the inside so does their dreams. Have you ever wondered what life is? Have you ever wondered why you are here. What is the point of all this if we are going to die one day? Why do anything at all and just be? Why do we follow traditions and customs? And why try to fit in all the things in that small space calling it a life? What does, me being your brother really mean? Why me? What role do I play in your life? What am I meant to really do? But yet we share this special bond, an unexplainable bond, and sometimes I think you will be the only person that makes me feel like I'm not alone on this crazy planet. And no matter how I turn out to be, you would be the only one to see me as I truly am. Having this thought feels very encouraging, having you as my sibling and knowing you will always have my back makes me brave, it gives me comfort in so many levels. Even though we are so far away, and we hardly meet or call, I know deep inside me, if I fall you would catch me. 

Maybe a sibling is a guardian angel, who are physically present through our life on this planet. A mirror that constantly remind us, who we truly are. A voice that comforts, a hand that supports and mainly a guide who shows us our roots when we stray too far into the burning sun. Maybe this is what I'm meant to be for you, someone who'd have your back even when your own back has turned against itself. Someone who lifts you out of your rut, and teaches you how to get out of it. Someone who smiles and celebrates your victories, someone who challenges you and inspires you to be your best version. Someone who tells you to always follow your dreams and take all the chances you have in this life. I wonder if I am even close to these things. Life has seasons just like the planet. There is a season where you are a child, a season where you have transformed to a woman, a season when you become a mother and a season where you grow old. But unlike the planet we face seasons in different ways, the one I explained is what our body's experience. Our mind to faces different seasons and we experience life also collectively through different seasons. Times when it feels cold and bitter and everything feels like heartache, seasons where you feel the Gods sitting in the heavens are testing you. And seasons where life seems to be sailing smoothly.

These seasons are important, it is through these seasons you discover who you truly are on the inside. And be brave, to be this person no matter how the world reacts. The world and all its people are put there to either test you or encourage you, you need the haters so they keep you on your toes, so that you keep growing. You need your supporters so that they keep cheering you when you're fighting these battles in life. Always be yourself, you were intended and created by a divine force to be the way that you are. Know this person and love this person before you let anyone else love her. And be unapologetically brave to be this person, without needing to change anything for someone else's happiness. It's sounds so simple but in reality it is a hard thing to do and if you choose to be this version of yourself, the truest version of who you truly are then you will never feel alone or feel lack in any way. Love being yourself, this is what makes the experience of life magical. And no matter the season, if you can manage to be yourself with a beautiful dream that you pursue relentlessly, life will be full of surprises. Be the person in the room who constantly grows, someone who quietly grows through the seasons of her life. Remember real growth always happens quietly and it is only destruction that makes all the noise.

Life is too short to carry burdens, unburden yourself, take responsibility only for yourself and hold others to theirs. Let go of the ways and thoughts that no longer work for you, become more and more aware that each day is truly a gift. Though the road ahead might seem long and weary teach yourself to live in the moment and enjoy the journey you have taken. When you have achieved something, dream of something bigger, if it doesn't scare you it isn't big enough. Don't wait for the odds to be in your favour, just act, move and let the world know you are on your way. When life gets overwhelming on a Monday morning and it seems like you are handling too much to bear, relax, take a break and then start over the next day. Drink coffee watching the sunrise, go take a swim at the beach, take long walks, go on drives playing your favourite songs and sing them out loud while you wait at the red light. Dance while you cook, let your daughter watch you, let her watch her mother, let her watch a woman and show her what it is to be a woman by being that woman. Have some wine on a Friday night and look at the stars in the skies and know this, that I too would be sitting on the other side of the planet with a beer in my hand holding it up to the skies knowing that life is turning out better than we have expected. Celebrate like there's no tomorrow and no matter where our paths take us, live not to impress, but live to have powerful moments just to experience it. Stay humble, stay kind and live life like it really matters, live like you're part of a chance this world badly needs. 

The Mind And The Heart

 

Your mind is either a trap a prison that holds you back

Or it's a key that opens doors and portals to potential you thought you never had

Your mind is yours to tame or it would roam the earth aimlessly in vain 

Waiting for a master to come and command it 

Until then it is imitating life from what it learns from others

You might think that it's you who's planning life

But you'll exist just to react to worldly life 

Waiting for a God in the heavens to shower some mercy

While your begging him to shower his blessing and make you worthy

Not knowing that you're drifting through time waiting for an invisible hand to act

While in reality you're pretending to be a happy man and leaving everything to chance

Waiting on your blind faith, fears and ignorance to save your life

Blaming away responsibilities that should have helped to build your life.

Your heart is a fool that clings to stay innocent 

Like a small child it is playful in its existence 

It's going to get you hurt a million times

And the poor thing won't learn until it's too painful to realise

While you're busy running around playing its innocent games

Your heart needs to stop chasing fantansies

And stop playing its foolish games

It's vulnerable cause it is dependent and needful for love

Love from the world all around it which is his greatest concern

Never thinking of finding fulfilment within itself

It searches for its validation from everyone else

While the whole world on the other hand is quiet the opposite

It was designed to bring pain and hurt it 

The lonely heart now retracts and builds walls to protect him

From the very world it seeks so bad and its acknowlwedgment

Hesitating to love again because it's broken and sad

It sleep behind those walls miserably intact

Tame your mind and one day it will be your most loyal weapon

But then let it be a tool to build a mesmerising life 

And not be a puppet of the ego and its lies

 Get creative, let the skies be your limit, it is a tool you can build anything with 

Take control of it and give it its direction

So, it doesn't have to wait for someone else to give it instructions

Listen to it and then forget it all

Speak to it and quietly let it solve

Let it know it needs to look no further

For you are there to guide it through its darkest hours

Let it grow and open new doors

Let it roam around and explore

Teach it the ways you wish to build your life 

And let him be free to grow unlocking your potentials hidden inside

Set no limitations to stop him and build a will to fight 

Breaking barriers that block him and strengthen him to be wise

Your heart's a bit tricky, it's trusted to much, it's seen its share of heart breaks 

Under the pain it lays drunk, forgotten how to trust and who to depend

Its build a great wall around it and it's retreated within 

Only way to win your heart is win its trust

Let the heart know that's its safe and this you can do only when you love what you have become

No need to worry on the past and linger in what must be forgotten

Need to mend new ways and learn from the pain that need no more courting

Give it love that it seeks from the outside, let it be content inside your chest 

With no need for attention or the acknowledgement from anybody else

Let wisdom fill it and let it roar 

Let the wall that was built to protect it fall

Let it find its place and stand proud in yourself 

And be in love for who he is and give the finger to the rest. 

The mind and your heart the main pieces to find your peace

Looking at different directions to fill its needs

What would be your state if they are constantly in war with each other

Fighting over the ego's needs, questioning fantasies over what one truly needs

How long would you stay in this pandemonium like state of resistance

While you're thirsting to find a break trying to find fulfillment 

But you're dying slowly to a war taking place quietly inside

Such a small space it takes both combined

Yet with a power so strong to completely wreck your life

If you aren't paying attention to it, what would be your fate

While you compromise for meaningless stuff in the outer world 

Your are sacrificing the peace that you truly crave

And this secret you guard in your heart living a silent lie

Hoping someday someone saves you from destroying your own life

The mind will find its way once the heart has healed

Living a life from the heart is wiser 

Because that's were compassion and passion flows abundantly

Let the union be done between these two lovers

Cause when the mind and heart stands together

There is no other force much stronger 

The mind the shield the warrior who acts

The heart the dreamer who leads and creates wonders through thought

The magic happens when they synchronise 

Time itself stops when they are creating together and their magic reflects in your eyes

Take care of you heart and your mind

This is where your fate lies

Heal and be set free from yesterday

And let your heart and mind work its magic today

Wish I Knew

 

Wish I knew I could have done this different 

Thought that the rules were put in place and I was restricted

Wish I knew the sky was the limit 

Was fooled by the limits set by others and remained rigid

Hate that I obediently followed it and never even once questioned it

If I was meant to follow or stand out and make a difference

Wish I knew that I could have resisted 

From following the herd that always seems restless

Wish I knew I had the choice 

And I too had a voice 

Wish I knew nothing is too late

Spend hours regretting and fretting with the hate

Wish I knew the hate was mine to conquer

Instead I stood pissed at the world for making my life full of horrors

Wish I knew that I was a fool trapped in my own self pity

No knowing the sky still awaits to be conquered

But I was too busy wrestling with the ghosts of my past and stuck in my own folly

Wish I knew that I had the control

But instead gave in to the chaos and broke my wings that were meant to take me home

Wish I knew that it takes many trials 

And you win only some and you accept life as it transpires

Wish I knew it is ok to fail

As long as you keep trying with an undying faith

Wish I knew you got to swim against the tide

And it's also ok to rest and drift with no purpose and still feel alive

Wish I knew there is no end to the pain

If pain doesn't motivate you then no prize will taste sweet and probably, you'll squander it in vain

Wish I knew you could try as many times as possible

You can always turn your life around so just relax and fail until you get it right

Wish I knew this is not a race

Chill a little maybe more and take life in a peaceful embrace

Wish I knew I could re-build myself

To the imagine of who is growing through life's twisted challenges

Wish I knew I could take all the time

To sit with loved ones and have a good time

Wish I knew that this life is to cherish

To laugh a lot and cry with the ones that makes my heart rich

Wish I knew I make a difference

Even when it seems like I'm drowning at a distance

Wish I knew I could be a better friend

Someone who extends his hand to pick one up when your beat down by life's tests

Wish I knew I could shut the doors

To the things that serve no purpose to me anymore

Wish I knew this is my life

And I could write it however I wanted it even if it's a tragedy or a comedy likewise

Wish I knew no tears need to be shed 

For no sorrow last forever and true love is to aim for instead

Wish I knew I can do this all over again

And the next time I can do better than my past haunting me through my mistakes

So many ways we can change our lives 

If only you knew your power is hidden deep down inside

But change, do we? Do we grow?

Or do we wake up old wishing we should have known

That one truth we all know inside, that falls to deaf ears and blind eyes

Now tell me isn't it a tragedy while we live just wishing away our lives 

 Knowing that you knew it all

Knowing what you wished you knew was known all this time

And it was you who just kept wishing and turning a blind eye 

 

An Idea

 

You're just an idea evolving, flowing through time slowly dissolving.

The idea of you evolves and your body you have dissolves.

Death's sweet kiss takes your body away and the only thing left behind is this idea

you tried to live and it is a story you lived to say.

There is a quiet yearning to become the best version of your self and that's worth earning.

Challenges are there and no champion is born who is ignorant to his calling.

The process of evolving is not easy and its tormenting.

But if you go with the flow and you focus to only grow.

Fighting through the pain, soaring through the dark phase.

Searching for the light, hoping you're going to shine bright.

Not reacting to the all the bullshit that kept you down in a space you just couldn't fit.

Rising above those traps freeing your soul to soar to such blinding heights.

I know it could get scary sometimes, when all you got is an unwavering faith.

And nobody believes in you and makes you feel foolish while you're drowning in their hate.

But you keep flying into the unknown, not knowing what to expect.

With only a gut feeling that whispers to your soul of an idea that's haunts you to death.

This idea of what you are and who you should become before you rest.

But most don't heed to this calling and falls prey to the fear that is always controlling.

The fear is paralysing, too stray from the herd, to become this idea that no ones heard.

That's what separates the legends from the sheep.

The one that dares even in their sleep.

The quiet soul who follows none and dares himself to walk the paths where others run .

The darkness a friend a familiar territory, he's conquered his demons that eats away his glory.

This quest he's put himself is just a choice.

He seeks no prize and no glory, he's just in for the adventure curious how far he can push his boundaries.

The idea of such a man is what legends speak of.

They come and go over time inspiring the herd to stray from their defeating beliefs.

To stray from the limiting self that seeks to be free.

Explore your limits beyond imagination itself could see.

There is a legend in us all, waiting to be set free.

Why wait for another life, when you can change today even if you think you're too old.

The idea of you can begin today if you just let go. 

An idea of such sorts that's never existed until you had to live it for it to be told.

This awakening is what all men and women seek.

An idea of oneself that will last forever even after the body decays and the soul rests in peace.

To be that someone who came and inspired others who were asleep.

An idea that was given for others to also discover the endless possibility in them waiting to be released.

Timeless River

 

Time flies, it flows like a river, and you are flowing in it never backwards but always forward no matter what the tide is and the current is. Time this mysterious river that ages us all and takes us away from the physical world after a finite amount, I wonder who decides how long we get to travel in its waters but one thing is fixed. We cannot travel forever and the journey will end one day. We start this journey with so much energy and as the body get's older the energy fades. Right from the beginning of time when human kind lived in the wilderness in small tribes. Humans spend their time to survive, in the beginning it was all about survival. All they did was hunt, so they could eat, find shelter so they could be safe and wore animal skin. We don't just live in the river of our own time, our river exists in different rivers which directly affects your individual river. For example, the Earth too has its river of time, and the earth has evolved drastically over time. It has been home to dinosaurs, and depending at what age of the world you belonged to, your river of time would have been directly influenced by the earth's river of time. We don't have the dinosaurs anymore that was at a different time in the earth's journey and in its current time and the influence it has in our lives, we humans have travelled a long way but yet we work for the basic things the early man did. Food, shelter and clothing, we go to work so we can have all that we require for our basic survival. But that's not it right, though basically it is the only things we need somewhere in the river of earth's time humans evolved to amazing breath taking extends. 

It's not just enough for us to survive we need to thrive, we need more than food, shelter or clothes, we need luxury, we need more in terms of everything, bigger houses, more money, recognition, status, success I could go on and on. Somehow it is not enough for man to have enough, cause enough seems to be never enough. Somehow without being in that league of having more you are going to fall back in the line of society's hierarchy. In other words if you need to get your ass kissed or seem relevant you need to have more. But yet we evolve, we evolve and we don't even notice it. Maybe the earth too has an ultimate purpose to play in the universe. But do we really even want to know what is the earth's purpose when we struggle to understand our own. Meantime we are stuck in the survival process that has got so complicated since the early man we have completely fallen out of sync with the planet. We have fallen into an illusion of a possession driven life and somehow accumulating possessions is the modern man's ultimate goal. We have just become hoarders, we have reduced ourselves to collecting worldly possessions and it has become so normal it will be madness if you thought anyway else. I guess there is nothing wrong in having or wanting to have and experience wealth and having all the possessions one could think off. But then concluding that all this is what defines you or life is the part I'm talking about. 

Not having any messiah assigned to save us and the teaching of the old and ancient times fading, are we losing the grip of reality? Are we lost in the greed for power, money, and success. Have we made sacrifices for the wrong reasons or have these reasons become the new standard for survival that we forget to be humane. The truth is we are all so deeply affected we don't stop to think and instead feed all our energy to running the rat race hoping one day we find fulfilment like once when we were children and in turn we feed these survival skills to the younger generation thinking without it they would be doomed but in actuality we are dooming them by just teaching them to survive in a way we are tying to escape from. The truth is we don't need anything to thrive, we don't need to stress ourselves to the point of madness to find happiness. We just need to understand that the things we are truly looking for are free and there is no price required to be paid. What we all truly want is to dance through life, not matter if it is a thunderstorm or sunshine we are experiencing in our physical reality. What we want is to celebrate life and to live life each moment being completely present and aware of each breath you take and being content by the fact you have truly and joyous lived that moment. What we want is not plan and wait for the experience to come but live that experience each day until it comes true. What we truly want is to be surprised by life each day and lead fulfilled lives in spite of all the things that seem to go wrong or not your way. 

What if you could be the person that takes you to a place within yourself which you thought that never existed. A place that can give you a new level of clarity, focus and drive to be who you truly were meant to be. Being alive is just being aware of your breath, cause that is the only way you know you are alive. Think about it maybe you'd wake up worrying, or wake up desiring so many things, but, not even worry or desire can exist if your not alive. And to be full of life and live each moment to its fullest you cannot be worried all the time nor be a prisoner of your desires, you need to understand the gift of life first to be truly alive, the fact that you're just breathing must mean something to you. And the day it means everything, that day you would begin to realise what it means to be full of life. A profound moment where you are set free from the cycles and man made madness and routines. A point where you see life not from the living or survival point of view fed into your head since birth, but rather from the a point to just live and be you. An effortless sense of being you, clear in the head and focused, full of love in the heart and surplus of energies all driving you to be whatever you wish to be with no regard to possessing anything but rather just experiencing, contributing and supporting to sustain that life in and around you. An abundant being that doesn't need to hoard or hold on to things cause you're always evolving to better versions of you that is already abundantly rich in every way you can fathom.

It is in that realisation that truly sets you free from everything even yourself that seems to be chained to so many things binding you. Be quiet, silence yourself so you hear that inner voice. True growth happens in silence and it does not seek an audience. True growth isn't looking for approval but liberation, liberation from the noise to a peace and quiet where the world is under your grasp and happiness a choice rather than a pursuit. It's in the quiet moments transformation happens where you have the ability to transcend to a new version  of you that seemed impossible to achieve. For this you got to stop running and stand still and from the stillness of your being you will begin to live and enjoy your life in every breath you take living an effortless life riding the waves cruising through the river of time effortlessly. Somehow making your experience here like you were on a timeless river. Because in your stillness time flows through you and in the mad man's world you run behind it. 

Groundhog Day

 

Its Groundhog day everyday, If you don't remember, Groundhog day was a movie released in 1993 starring Bill Murray. In the movie due to mysterious circumstances Bill Murray is put in a time loop to experience the same day over and over again. Its a comedy so if you have nothing to do this weekend please watch it, it's one of my favorites. In the movie Bill Murray who portrays the character of  Phil Connors a cold hearted man completely out of sync with existence  is taken on a life changing journey by making him relive the same day over and over again. I kind of feel the same way, like life has got to a point it feels like I'm reliving the same day over and over again. An endless loop until death, wake up brush, eat get to work, get back home, exercise and then go to sleep. We are stuck in loops of time doing the exact same thing but unlike Phil Conners we age. And unlike the movie we have several loops overlapping each other. When a baby is born, it doesn't even know what it is, the baby is always observing and absorbing this simulation or reality we call life. The best part is it takes a while for the baby to understand that he or she too is human and then not just a human but a male or female human and so forth slowing starting to decode this simulation, this mysterious outer environment it sees through his baby eyes often confused but fixated to the curiosity he builds to discover and understand everything in his environment. 

What is the meaning of all this? Why are we here? All of us, alone, on this planet with no sign of life out there in the universe. Even the animal and plant kingdoms, the flora and fauna follow time cycles, some migrate when season changes, some hibernate, the plants bear fruit seasonally. A strange pattern embedded in all life form which we follow like an instinct within us not knowing why we are doing this and what if there is another way. Year in and year out its the same cycle, a repeating time loop and we follow through them with the same set of actions. Are we meant to learn something like Phil Conners or are we here just to exist as we are. Maybe we aren't seeing past this illusion, it's almost like we are hypnotized to follow this pattern of living like a zombie aging and withering away slowly in time. What would happen, I wonder if we break these cycles? Will the illusion be lifted? What will we experience then? Will a new simulation come to existence? I sometimes feel this is all a test, it must be right? As I lay my head on my pillow everyday at night I wonder if this will all make sense before my death. Because I'm just doing the same thing over and over again, maybe I would have earned a few promotions or succeeded in life as I planned or maybe the contrary. What ever it is I still need to lay my head on that same pillow every night wakeup the next day and do the same things I did yesterday until its the last night I'll ever exist on this planet. 

I wonder what that would be like? Will I know if it's my last night or will I go to bed thinking "I'll wake up" another day. And what if I do wake up the next day but never have the opportunity to lay my head again on my pillow the following night. I wonder what that experience would be like, I wonder if I would know if I was going to die, what will I do that day? And if I didn't know, how will I react when death comes knocking at my door? Will I be alone when it happens? Will it pain? Will all the time I had as this person in a body with a name having lived a life, that felt like, I lived the same day over and over until my death, make any sense to me. Will it? In spite of all the success I would have amassed and the recognitions I have won, do you think it will matter when I die or will it give me a sense of satisfaction and pride that I have lived my life well. If you could take back all the time lost how do you think you will relive it all again. What does this all mean, is it part of a bigger plan that we don't see or is it all just what it is. Maybe it's so obvious and the truth is sitting under our noses. What if the truth was so simple and freeing but something the ego cannot bear, maybe that's the reason we clinch on to our belief's so we feel important in a world that brutally judges, a world that is waiting to dissect you and expose you're guts so their individual ego's feel safe and superior. 

Children are the best example to how to live this life, all they want to do is play. They can't wait for the next day to come, even if its the same things they will do as the previous day, for them in their little minds, life feels like a new experience each day and they want to experience a little more each day with an undying enthusiasm with no care of the world as they are lost in their imagination experiencing life in a linear fashion. Since they enjoy each moment of the experience time itself behaves like it's happening in a linear direction being completely unaware of its cyclic nature. This is the secret of life to live like children and experience life as one giant game and play it with such enthusiasm your mundane loop of a cyclic existence disappears. If you don't see life as something beautiful or an awe inspiring event that is happening, you will wither and age fast and you become a bitter person just doing what is meant to be done to just exist. And what a huge difference of an experience does the above 2 scenarios make with only a shift in ones attitude. I also strongly believe that there is a reason you are here experiencing this life, all this does mean something, it will hit you hard one day and then suddenly you will realize the meaning of all this madness that sometimes feels pointless. Everything is a perspective, if you think this existence as a dreadful one then that is what you'll experience, if you see it as a beautiful one then in  the beauty you will marvel. 

Star Light (Part-2)

 

Drumbeats are coming from a distance, the kind of beats that makes you want to sway to the rhythm or move your head to the beats. There’s something about music it sets you free, there’s something about music it gives you wings and makes you want to fly. It moves you in ways you thought you wouldn’t have, it makes you express yourself in ways you thought you couldn’t have. The drumbeats are approaching, can you feel its intensity, can you feel the sound reverberating into you almost like an invisible hand caressing your soul, and you feel alive like you never have before. There is no denying that music is inspiring, and it’s rightfully said that “Music is food for the soul”. It makes you wild and grips you from within making you sway to its rhythm making you feel like the wind, wild free and ferocious. It teases your senses and at times giving you the goosebumps, remember, how many times have you listened to your favorite song, over and over again repeatedly, like an addiction you take it all in. I feel the universe too is sort of the same, it inspires you through people or when you travel to an exotic country, music, food, cinema or even art. We are all so uniquely different, different things inspires us. Like them drum beats I sometimes feel the universe is drawing our attention to something within ourselves, that sparks a fire within us, that brings a yearning for us to be an instrument like the drums and allowing the universal juice to flow through us and then sending the beats or vibes of who we are to the world. Imagine radiating pure awesomeness all the time, I wonder how that would feel? Can you?

Imagine all of the wonders man has accomplished over the centuries, if you notice only the most exquisite pieces of work may it be in architecture, philosophy, medicine, technology, the arts etc. etc. has stood the test of time. Time will erase us all one day, nothing stands against the test of time apart from the wonders you leave behind to inspire future generations, it’s almost like leaving a time stamp stating that the people of this particular generation belonging to this era of time leave this marvel behind so the future generations be inspired to evolve and blossom to a better community. And through the work they left behind we get a glimpse of what the people were like at that age, what they thought and what they hoped for the planet to be. But the planet also faced dark periods through the ages, it has suffered and has been put to the test but amazingly humans emerge out of it not to barely survive but to thrive prosperously. Maybe some of us would achieve greatness in a global scale or maybe to the point you inspire your country men or maybe just your community in your town or village or just your family. It does not matter at what scale or capacity you brought that change, what’s important is you’ve inspired, even if its just a soul and by that one act you would have started a small ripple in the fabric of time and space for something extra ordinary to occur in the future.

There is a story of Lord Krishna when he was a child, he was wrongly accused of eating dirt and when his mother Yashoda came to correct Lord Krishna for his doing, Lord Krishna responded saying he did no such thing, but not believing the child she asked him to open his mouth and found the entire galaxies and stars the complete universe in Lord Krishna’s mouth. What if, that was a clue the Lord gave us, to tell us that we are the universe and we embody all the mysteries and wonders of it within us. How else would have man evolved from dwelling in the caves to sending launch vehicles into space, how could we achieve such unimaginable feats unless there was some magical mystical mystery in our being. We create things like God creates, only restricted to our potential, but then what is our true potential. Each one of us has that potential but we have lost the ability to see it, believe it, understand it because we stopped seeking it. It is there always calling out to us, speaking to us through people, experiences or even in the drumbeats coming out from that distant drum. You are more than you imagine because you are as deep and wide as the universe something which we cannot fathom. If you think your waiting for the experience so you’d wake up, trust me, it happens a lot in a person’s life. Now its all about responding to that call and taking a leap of faith in that direction, you are just a chemical reaction away to a spontaneous soulful combustion so just decide and let go and watch yourself create wonders.

I hear the drumbeats beating and I feel so alive that I cannot stop my legs from tapping to its rhythm. The hardest part in life is when you’re struggling and you feel the shit has really hit the ceiling, you feel heavy and chained, stuck in a reality you just can’t wait to escape and when hope behaves like a flickering torch light in the darkness of your doom just about to run of its battery charge. Close your eyes and listen to that drum beat and let it guide you, that silent voice that whispers in your ears “Keep Going” listen to it and do what you must. For all the energies you have inside of you, is for you to wield, you will realize that the more you can wield it, you sort of feel like you’re holding the Excalibur of your life and then as you learn to use it, you will also learn to create your world as you please. You will realize the power within you and in self belief the real journey starts. You will realize that you are a weapon that can change your own fate and for others. A weapon so unique that there is only one like you out there in the entire world and in the cosmos. There is only one color to darkness and that is black but the light its more. Light can be broken down to its spectrum of colors, VIBGYOR like we learnt in physics. So maybe there is no one version of the truth and due to our uniqueness we see the truth in different versions, but whatever it maybe go ahead and experience your truth, your truest truth because you absolutely deserve it.

Have you heard about a British soldier named Henry James Tandey  who sparred the life of a wounded Adolf Hitler during the first world war. I guess many would have debated a lot on, why oh why, didn't he shoot Hitler. Well in his defense, who would have known that Adolf Hitler would go ahead and do what he did. Yes for sure Henry could have stopped the second world war but maybe that wasn't natures intention. The sad part is even after his life was sparred Hitler did not change his ways, his near death experience did not transform him to be a better man but he rather saw it as an opportunity thinking to himself "Ha, now I can go ahead with my evil plan". And like all villains we see in movies we saw him fall too. But I wonder. what if, he transformed his life after that incident and went ahead and became the leader of Germany only to transform the world to a more compassionate place. I wonder what that Hitler would be like, maybe he would have grown his ridiculous moustache out completely and wore a smile on his face kissing people and lifting their spirits up, I feel he would have made a very strong awesome leader. But that was not the case because he had his head so far up in his arsch, he was totally consumed by the darkness within him. He wasn't a cesspool of love, oh no, it was hate. You see, if the darkness doesn't transform you for the greater good it will consume you until you're doomed. So don't hide it, ignore it nor be afraid of it, instead acknowledge it, learn from it and embrace it, cause if you prevent it from consuming you it will lead you to the light. 

My Dad used to always say aim for the stars and if you fail at least you'll fall on the clouds. But I'll say there is no limit to where you wish to aim and even if you fail, get back up and aim again. Nobody will understand the battles you are fighting  nor will anybody come to fight it for you. Only you know the importance of it, and it is ok if you feel you have lost too many battles until now because only a few battles have been lost for you still have the war to win. Like I said you are just a chemical reaction away from reaching there and this time you're going to be awake while you fight to win them.

Voices in my head (Star Light Intro)

 I need to do something awesome, I need to do it now.
Haven't got a clue what it is but the feeling is profound.
The unknown action I'm trying to find. 
An action that would open myself to unbelievable accomplishments in life .
I thought and thought and years passed by and nothing brilliant came up in my mind.
I have no reason why I'm on this mission, I just know I need to do it without anyone's permission.
I've never been so lost, I've never been this blind and I've never felt more alive.
Arranging words in sentences to describe my situation.
You might be reading this without no indication.
I hope your opinions won't land me in a complication.
I met my biggest enemy, I'm just his  own reflection.
Trapped in a reality which I find hard to break through.
Bored by the routine from which I need a change too.
So I dreamed and dreamed and left my body behind.
Now my body needs to catch up or my mind would be living a fantasied lie.
I experimented with everything and I still can't find the right life.
Need to do something which I was born to do, Something which I love and want to do.
A vacant space living in me, a space that needs this something to complete me.
Life has its way taking you to places, it has its way of showing you unfamiliar faces, who end up giving you mixed experiences.  
Running out of words and patience my mind takes me into another contemplation.
Lost and unaware of my own strengths, my life is teaching me to find myself again.
Sooner or later things are going to turn alright.
The only thing you can choose is to believe it or deny.