In My Silence

I've been looking for you, you who I've been staring at the mirror

But every time I think I'm close you only seem more distant than nearer

I've been searching for a way, a way to understand the man but he seems lost forever

And the reflection seems to blur through the distance because I'm somewhere in there and no where altogether

I see so many faces and I wonder which one is the man looking back at me

Am I just the fragments of the imagination of others or is there more man in me.

Is there more to the eyes that stare back at me?, Is there the promise I believe and feel in me?

 There's promise somewhere between those blurry lines the picture is just forming and so far it's  been a  survivors disguise.

 All I have is a hint and I'm still riddling out the riddle of me 

Sadly the only thing I can make out of these pieces is that its not really me

What does he fear? Why don't he reveal himself to me? Why all these trials and why so much of mystery?

Somedays he feels like me and most days like a stranger

He builds himself up and in a second and the next instant destroys himself like an invader

Constantly looking and searching for how I truly should feel, while everything feels like a mistake and at the same time who I should be

I've been you through the moody Mondays and the distracting escapades

I've been you through the constructive hard days and the destructive mad days

I've been you through the pains and the gains

I'be been you when you were promising and when you failed

But nothing of what I am feels like its close to who I truly could be 

And at the same time I have never felt so intimately close too this version of me and I have never felt more stranger than the stranger still hiding in me

The man behind the dreams and the puppet who's still held down by invisible  strings

The man searching for his wings while the winds so turbulently kick him off his heels

I am all of these and much more than what you can see cause the real me is yet to be revealed

Been trying to understand you but I guess I'll never figure you out 

Cause you're so rare and unique, the one like no one around

So when the journey gets lone and tiresome 

I just close my eyes and lose myself in my silence 

Where unfelt words lighten up

Sparking emotions that blows through me like a gentle breeze

And in the dead center of that silence 

I become the miracle I'm always meant to be

Suddenly I recognize the man in the mirror

While I drift away in my silence keeping this secret hidden in me forever

Pain

 

This pain is beautiful, it hurts, but it feels right.

This pain is beautiful, it's tearing me apart, but it's fixing all the lies.

This pain is beautiful, it burns, but it cleanses my insides.

This pain is beautiful, it's brutal, but it is making me love me for all I am even the dark sides.

This pain is beautiful, it traps me, and it helps me to find my wings so I could fly.   

This pain is beautiful, it blinds me, and then teaches me to trust all over again through those darkest nights.

This pain is beautiful, it betrays me, and it helps me find my truth hidden in my mind.

This pain is beautiful, it kills me slowly, and slowly it heals me back to life.

This pain is beautiful, it suffocates me, and frees me from my sins weighing me down in my life.

This pain is beautiful, it moves me to tears, and then it releases the demons plaguing my life. 

This pain is beautiful, given by so many people, and yet it teaches me forgiveness than to fight.

This pain is beautiful, it confuses me, and then reveals the path made just for me in this life.

This pain is beautiful, it numbs me of any emotion, and then teaches me compassion through its eyes.

This pain is beautiful, it pains me, until the pain itself feel like love from the divine

This pain is beautiful, it fights me from the person, I'm no longer in my life.

This pain is beautiful, it feels like my enemy, but it becomes a friend that saves me time to time.

This pain is beautiful, it is so painful, that it feels like pleasure sometimes

This pain is so many things expressing itself through my life

Sometimes I think I'm just pain but at the end of each journey it gives me the bliss I deserve in my life

This pain is beautiful cause it is tearing the illusions and the lies

It is setting me free everyday in a way I cannot describe

Sometimes it breaks me down when I not accepting of its trials

It makes me bleed in ways just to show me that I'm destined to rise for the skies

This pain is so beautiful sometimes it makes me cry

Not because it pains me but because I have something so special guiding me through my life

Like an angel sent out from the heavens for me he takes me by the hand and makes me wise

He is tough love but love at it's purest with my best interest in it's mind

This pain is beautiful sometimes I feel I cannot live without it in my life

It's making me a man out of a boy like the Gods wanted it as I'm destined for greater tides

This pain so beautiful I have no words to describe

Guess you need to be lucky like me chosen to carry this burden a miracle in disguise

A blessing sent from the ancestors giving me wonders while I survive

I hope it stays with me always cause sometimes I feel its my father 

Helping me from the heavens showing the way making me shine

This pain so beautiful it is a gift more than a pain 

It is the compass that is guiding me through my doubts and the bad phase

It is the fire from which I am forged tough and rugged through its fire storms

It makes me bold and strong through its cold and brutal frost bites

I have been shaped and reshaped me by all its seasons through out my life

This pain is beautiful can you see it too

Are you also someone in pain that seems to betray you

Open not your eyes but your heart and see, and then you'll realize what it is and how to set it free

You gotta embrace it as it is the only solution to your twisted life's deeds

The only thing showing you the truth of you and how to be free

So pay attention this one last time, learn from it and grow and conquer your life's trials

Stare at the mirror in marvel and wonder of the man you behold in your eyes

And thank the pain that set you free without asking anything for a price

This pain is beautiful it is the best thing in my life

Embrace your pain before it's too late and be the person who you are destined tin this life.

The Truth

Why am I here I keep asking?
What is it like to truly live I keep pondering?
Trapped in a head filled with so much imagination.
Thinking if these are the ways to live
With so much hesitation
I slide through life hoping I’ll get a chance to live it fully 
One exhilarating exploration exploding out of me
With many surprises beyond my anticipation and imagination
But I've faced many trials that has put me in an unsettling disposition
Because life is a complete mystery 
And I swing between happiness and utter confusion 
I stay stuck between this dance of it's highs and lows
Inspite of all the work that I've put in
I have been hit back with all the resistance and remorse
While I started this journey with only one mission 
And that mission in mind is towards excellence 
I’m tired of fighting and my energy is drained 
Drained out of my existence and efforts are going in vain
Still not willing to give up nor give in
Still willingly able to get back up and fight it till the end
But I’m at the end of my patience 
And I wish I'd strike some luck
Before this life fucks me up

There was a time long back when magic happened out off habit
Life flowed and glowed
Pulling rabbits out of hats metaphorically happened            
But somehow life hit me with a lightning bolt 
Stole the rabbit and the hat and the magic from my hold
With my mojo stolen I roamed about like a hobo 
Hoping for a miracle to save me from my sorrows
Cause I felt destroyed and betrayed 
Hurt and lost without my magic it was pure dismay
Looking for the spark in every single branch in every todays and tomorrows 
And nobody could help me cause this was not something I could borrow
Because your magic is your magic 
Without it you cannot create and this was my sorrow
This is life it has it’s ways, sometimes your up or fading away
Sometimes it does not give a fuck 
Even if you have been riding through life’s tests
Sometimes you got to fall to such an extend 
That getting back up seems scary or too tedious in your head
Only the strongest of the strongest are given these test so they come to realize                                          That they religiously blew it up looking through the ego’s eyes
While the magic hid deep within them even if they could not see it in their minds
Realizing this was the mystery life was teaching me
To see through my soul as I'm more than I've imagined me to be 

This is life, sometimes it’s green and sometimes it’s red 
Sometimes your on the highway instead
It gives you everything and then takes it away 
So that you learn the value of you from all the materials and the hate
So that you learn, you are the magic itself 
And learning to believe in you through all these tests
The picture might not be clear but always keep the faith
Because after one devastating fall all you'll have is your faith
A faith directed to thy own self
The only person who can set you free from your life's test
In you, you should believe to the very end
As the answers are embedded in your very head
The truth be told it is sort of a revealing 
The grandness of the creator is in you 
So don't stop beliveing 
All the riches are buried in your soul 
Only if you could see this can you see the truth that life holds.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Father

Sad, a sadness, fill, filling in me. 
Thought you would always be here
And be my strength and fight life along side me
But I guess nothing lasts until eternity
And now I feel the nothingness pouring inside me
And the emptiness of a life without you next to me
Look, I'm looking for you

But you are no where around me

Feeling heavy like the truth is about to hit me

What I thought was not possible became my reality

Now your in a whole other realm

Where you can't take me 

Is this how it was supposed to be 

Why did it end so fast?

Why did you make it hard?

I keep feeling sorry for all the shit that I have done

And your not here for me to ask 

Forgiveness for so many things

And I still can't accept you left and went flying away with your wings

Why didn't you call I was waiting

Hoping we'll talk and mend those bruises

And hold each other up until the pain starts losing

Healing together hoping for a new begening 

Where are you? Do you see me from where you are

Do come and pay a visit here and then 

Cause I miss you with all my heart

Throw me a sign on a hard day 

Whisper in my ears when I'm in dismay

Let the breeze come blowing 

So I feel your hand on my shoulder

Let me know that even when your gone

You will make me strong and bolder

Hold my hand through tough times

Protect me from my enemies  

Who's coming to stab me from my blind side

Show me a sign that your at my corner

And I'll fight through this life and I will not squander

I'll push through my limits and rise for your honour

With a fierceness no one can ever conquer

I promise that I won't let my mind be weak

You should know

I'll give anything to see you one last time

Maybe this is my punishment 

For giving up on you and leaving without saying a goodbye

So I want you to know 

If you'll believe 

It took a whole lot of time to understand

That under all the anger and the pain

I always admired and loved you 

But the words wouldn't come out from me

I know it sounds insane 

But I guess we were all in pain

I hope to make you proud 

So you feel very alive in your spirit

And hope that even death can't separate 

A son from his father 

As some bonds are stronger than the Gods in the heavens

In Between Moments

Been staring at these blank pages wondering what to write

Been struggling to put some words in and arrange it such that it sounds wise

Lately I've got nothing, am just drifting, waiting for the chips to fall in line

During these in between moments I've got nothing to say and write

I've just got things to do and watch destiny unfold my life

What do champions do, I wonder, what goes through their mind

How do they handle these moments that makes them wait for a while

While waiting itself is not what they want and waiting they can't tolerate inside

And their body feels like moving when staying still would be wise

Is there a right thing to do when your whole being can't stay still?

I wonder if it is a test or just time taking a piss

To mess up the momentum you have built

Every new year is a reality check, it's terrifying to realise another year has gone and put to rest

Cause it makes me wonder of life and the journey taken

That  journey that has never found its destination

And the negative thoughts come flooding back into my mind

Another year to start things over, will this be the year I ask my mind?

Or will it be just another year that goes by.

Been chasing this dream for quiet sometime

Somehow it feels like the moment has arrived 

And I am nervous more than I can realise

What would have great men felt in these moments

What would be the thoughts that ran through their mind

I wonder what would they have focused in these in between moments

How do they turn the sober situations over and come out roaring

Turning every moment to their advantage soaring high

These in between moments they mean a lot

They are important more than all the moments you have fought

Cause there is no bigger addiction than winning in this life

So every moment is a step you take towards that moment to be surprised 

And these in between moments are the hardest to survive

Cause in these moments everything is beyond your control

And your left behind impatiently waiting for the story to unfold

Will it set me free? Will it turn out all right? 

Will it take me to the heavens and too unthinkable heights?

Can I stand tall?, Can I breath my first and be super fine?

Cause I've holding my breath for quiet sometime

I have seen many moments that have taken me close

Have overcome many disappoints more than you know

Have had the almost, Oh God, I almost had it moments

Hence these in between moments are not pleasant to be honest

It makes be nervous just out of habit

I must stay still or I might ruin it

I wonder what a warrior does in these moments

Got to teach myself to stay calm and live in the moment

With shields and spears and sword in hand

I wonder what happens in him when the bells of battle rang

Is he calm and quiet to march into the unknown?

When dead itself is waiting for him and the odds unknown

These in between moments always finds the worst of me

I hope this year I would conquer it cause I've been dancing with it 

And it already feels like an eternity to me

 So I walk into this year wondering where I'll be

Will I finally make it and will I be set free

For I yearn to rise from the depths that I've fallen

And finally give the closure to all these in between moments

Blood Lines Calling

 

Ancestors from the past are calling

Whispers in the air, blood lines are falling

Millions of them souls, before our time

All connected by the blood that flows inside  

Great men that walked on these lands in the past

Alive in our veins and have become forgotten dust 

Guiding you from beyond the grave

To rise and reclaim your family's honor and lost name 

What has been lost and forgotten 

Buried away underneath the sands of time rotting 

Wake up, wake up, I hear whispers inside my head

Bring back what was lost and what lays with the dead

Rise above the ones that failed over time

And don't go to rest without a fight

Make an effort for the future bloodlines

Teach them that they come from forefather's brave, courageous and wise

Don't fret that you are alone in this fight

Your blood carries us all in your veins, together we'll fight

Just listen, you might hear our cries

We were once the reason for you to survive

You're all chosen, but to the one that hears our call 

The one who will redeem us through his worldly cause

Fighting to restore the honour and the balance

The reason behind, why our names still fly high in the heavens

To him we would stay forever in debt 

For he would be the one, who brough back what was dead

You my child, the weak one in the corner

Know that the ancestors are with you forever

So, don't worry, this is not a burden but a gift 

You will carry our wisdom, our courage and our strengths

Start alone and let them all call you a fool

As no man believe in such things in today's moons

But thousands of us dead and gone will be fighting by your side

As you stand for us, we stand with you no matter if it's day or night

We will help you change every wrong to right

Protect you from the world's remorse and unseen dangers that arise

Bloodlines are calling is there anyone out there to heed our calling

One amongst you will hear us, even if it takes a thousand eons in despair

The one with the strong heart and a lion's roar will he born again

He will rise one day and lead the herds back home

He will reunite the clans that have broken away through the ages gone before

He reassures them of the greatness that lies inside 

Sleeping dormantly waiting to be tapped and revived

He'll remind them of the ancestors that walked this earth before their time

Who had the same blood but lived life king size

His roar will call out to them and  remind them of the for-gotten bloodlines 

The ancestors from whom, they all have come  to life

And the wisdom they carry inside them, is not a lie

But a gift they carry, if only they realise

For lost fathers, mothers and great, great, great, grandfathers he'll fight

For them all he'll bring back the honor that was forgotten over the wine

The blood lines are calling they always do

Waiting for the chosen one to hear them or awaken in you

And maybe he's not that far from their cries

No dead is really gone as their essence always flows through our lives

And the dreams that were left halfway behind 

Will breath its first, when the right souls comes by

No one can stop the calling of the bloodlines

Greatness will always be followed by greatness 

Irrespective of the time gone by. 

------------- To all the great souls before me, let your greatness flow through me --------------

 

Letters To My Sister - (Part 2)

 

Life is not going to have any surprises until you live like it's going to surprise you, most people live like it is going to disappoint them and so they don't believe in themselves enough, to take a risk on their dreams. They settle for a practical life, a life of uninspiring sacrifices and while they die slowly on the inside so does their dreams. Have you ever wondered what life is? Have you ever wondered why you are here. What is the point of all this if we are going to die one day? Why do anything at all and just be? Why do we follow traditions and customs? And why try to fit in all the things in that small space calling it a life? What does, me being your brother really mean? Why me? What role do I play in your life? What am I meant to really do? But yet we share this special bond, an unexplainable bond, and sometimes I think you will be the only person that makes me feel like I'm not alone on this crazy planet. And no matter how I turn out to be, you would be the only one to see me as I truly am. Having this thought feels very encouraging, having you as my sibling and knowing you will always have my back makes me brave, it gives me comfort in so many levels. Even though we are so far away, and we hardly meet or call, I know deep inside me, if I fall you would catch me. 

Maybe a sibling is a guardian angel, who are physically present through our life on this planet. A mirror that constantly remind us, who we truly are. A voice that comforts, a hand that supports and mainly a guide who shows us our roots when we stray too far into the burning sun. Maybe this is what I'm meant to be for you, someone who'd have your back even when your own back has turned against itself. Someone who lifts you out of your rut, and teaches you how to get out of it. Someone who smiles and celebrates your victories, someone who challenges you and inspires you to be your best version. Someone who tells you to always follow your dreams and take all the chances you have in this life. I wonder if I am even close to these things. Life has seasons just like the planet. There is a season where you are a child, a season where you have transformed to a woman, a season when you become a mother and a season where you grow old. But unlike the planet we face seasons in different ways, the one I explained is what our body's experience. Our mind to faces different seasons and we experience life also collectively through different seasons. Times when it feels cold and bitter and everything feels like heartache, seasons where you feel the Gods sitting in the heavens are testing you. And seasons where life seems to be sailing smoothly.

These seasons are important, it is through these seasons you discover who you truly are on the inside. And be brave, to be this person no matter how the world reacts. The world and all its people are put there to either test you or encourage you, you need the haters so they keep you on your toes, so that you keep growing. You need your supporters so that they keep cheering you when you're fighting these battles in life. Always be yourself, you were intended and created by a divine force to be the way that you are. Know this person and love this person before you let anyone else love her. And be unapologetically brave to be this person, without needing to change anything for someone else's happiness. It's sounds so simple but in reality it is a hard thing to do and if you choose to be this version of yourself, the truest version of who you truly are then you will never feel alone or feel lack in any way. Love being yourself, this is what makes the experience of life magical. And no matter the season, if you can manage to be yourself with a beautiful dream that you pursue relentlessly, life will be full of surprises. Be the person in the room who constantly grows, someone who quietly grows through the seasons of her life. Remember real growth always happens quietly and it is only destruction that makes all the noise.

Life is too short to carry burdens, unburden yourself, take responsibility only for yourself and hold others to theirs. Let go of the ways and thoughts that no longer work for you, become more and more aware that each day is truly a gift. Though the road ahead might seem long and weary teach yourself to live in the moment and enjoy the journey you have taken. When you have achieved something, dream of something bigger, if it doesn't scare you it isn't big enough. Don't wait for the odds to be in your favour, just act, move and let the world know you are on your way. When life gets overwhelming on a Monday morning and it seems like you are handling too much to bear, relax, take a break and then start over the next day. Drink coffee watching the sunrise, go take a swim at the beach, take long walks, go on drives playing your favourite songs and sing them out loud while you wait at the red light. Dance while you cook, let your daughter watch you, let her watch her mother, let her watch a woman and show her what it is to be a woman by being that woman. Have some wine on a Friday night and look at the stars in the skies and know this, that I too would be sitting on the other side of the planet with a beer in my hand holding it up to the skies knowing that life is turning out better than we have expected. Celebrate like there's no tomorrow and no matter where our paths take us, live not to impress, but live to have powerful moments just to experience it. Stay humble, stay kind and live life like it really matters, live like you're part of a chance this world badly needs. 

The Mind And The Heart

 

Your mind is either a trap a prison that holds you back

Or it's a key that opens doors and portals to potential you thought you never had

Your mind is yours to tame or it would roam the earth aimlessly in vain 

Waiting for a master to come and command it 

Until then it is imitating life from what it learns from others

You might think that it's you who's planning life

But you'll exist just to react to worldly life 

Waiting for a God in the heavens to shower some mercy

While your begging him to shower his blessing and make you worthy

Not knowing that you're drifting through time waiting for an invisible hand to act

While in reality you're pretending to be a happy man and leaving everything to chance

Waiting on your blind faith, fears and ignorance to save your life

Blaming away responsibilities that should have helped to build your life.

Your heart is a fool that clings to stay innocent 

Like a small child it is playful in its existence 

It's going to get you hurt a million times

And the poor thing won't learn until it's too painful to realise

While you're busy running around playing its innocent games

Your heart needs to stop chasing fantansies

And stop playing its foolish games

It's vulnerable cause it is dependent and needful for love

Love from the world all around it which is his greatest concern

Never thinking of finding fulfilment within itself

It searches for its validation from everyone else

While the whole world on the other hand is quiet the opposite

It was designed to bring pain and hurt it 

The lonely heart now retracts and builds walls to protect him

From the very world it seeks so bad and its acknowlwedgment

Hesitating to love again because it's broken and sad

It sleep behind those walls miserably intact

Tame your mind and one day it will be your most loyal weapon

But then let it be a tool to build a mesmerising life 

And not be a puppet of the ego and its lies

 Get creative, let the skies be your limit, it is a tool you can build anything with 

Take control of it and give it its direction

So, it doesn't have to wait for someone else to give it instructions

Listen to it and then forget it all

Speak to it and quietly let it solve

Let it know it needs to look no further

For you are there to guide it through its darkest hours

Let it grow and open new doors

Let it roam around and explore

Teach it the ways you wish to build your life 

And let him be free to grow unlocking your potentials hidden inside

Set no limitations to stop him and build a will to fight 

Breaking barriers that block him and strengthen him to be wise

Your heart's a bit tricky, it's trusted to much, it's seen its share of heart breaks 

Under the pain it lays drunk, forgotten how to trust and who to depend

Its build a great wall around it and it's retreated within 

Only way to win your heart is win its trust

Let the heart know that's its safe and this you can do only when you love what you have become

No need to worry on the past and linger in what must be forgotten

Need to mend new ways and learn from the pain that need no more courting

Give it love that it seeks from the outside, let it be content inside your chest 

With no need for attention or the acknowledgement from anybody else

Let wisdom fill it and let it roar 

Let the wall that was built to protect it fall

Let it find its place and stand proud in yourself 

And be in love for who he is and give the finger to the rest. 

The mind and your heart the main pieces to find your peace

Looking at different directions to fill its needs

What would be your state if they are constantly in war with each other

Fighting over the ego's needs, questioning fantasies over what one truly needs

How long would you stay in this pandemonium like state of resistance

While you're thirsting to find a break trying to find fulfillment 

But you're dying slowly to a war taking place quietly inside

Such a small space it takes both combined

Yet with a power so strong to completely wreck your life

If you aren't paying attention to it, what would be your fate

While you compromise for meaningless stuff in the outer world 

Your are sacrificing the peace that you truly crave

And this secret you guard in your heart living a silent lie

Hoping someday someone saves you from destroying your own life

The mind will find its way once the heart has healed

Living a life from the heart is wiser 

Because that's were compassion and passion flows abundantly

Let the union be done between these two lovers

Cause when the mind and heart stands together

There is no other force much stronger 

The mind the shield the warrior who acts

The heart the dreamer who leads and creates wonders through thought

The magic happens when they synchronise 

Time itself stops when they are creating together and their magic reflects in your eyes

Take care of you heart and your mind

This is where your fate lies

Heal and be set free from yesterday

And let your heart and mind work its magic today

A Beautiful Day

 

Turning over the page, starting up a new chapter 

Been evolving quietly through the years with some tears and some laughter

Wiping away the dirt and the hurt which no longer matters

Everyday is beginning to feel like a new day, it feels like happily ever after

Filled with surprises, when the sun rises and nothing seems to matter

With no aim that seems far away I'm loving every second of every hour

Sometimes you got to roll in the mud while your stuck in a rut

And figure yourself out through the dark

That seems to be eating away your spark

Life is like walking in circles, like being lost in a maze

While you're trying to decode how to fall back into better days

And to be that person who is free as the wind and being unstuck 

You got to learn to burn from the inside and find your own luck

Learn to walk with your demons and make peace with their destructive ways

While you are angry at the world and you rage

Fight those weaknesses they try to feed you and then show them the way 

Only then will you see through the bull shit and learn from the mistakes

What would be the price of your happiness if you do not fight

And when you are all bent and bruised with no glue or clue to fix what's been abused

Know this, that it's alright to feel defeat, your only human so just breathe

Try to understand that the heavens has it ways

It's a dance between pain and pleasure to re-direct you to your beautiful days

And once you get there you'll realise

That it was all the breaking and burning and waiting that made it worthwhile

Life will teach you to earn your glory times

So don't fret nor regret as your journey doesn't end tonight

When all the restlessness settles peace arrives

And when peace arrives  happiness you'll derive

All that rolling and burning has shaped a new person, mysterious and wise

Someone who see's beauty even when the day seems dry

Someone who feels complete and light as the air

Bright as the sun and clear from the despair

Someone who's found a rhythm to his life

The kind of rhythm that makes you dance till you die

A purpose, a reason and a new meaning you will find 

Just surviving is out of the question cause your here to shine

Beautiful days will follow such a person 

The one who's got unwavering confidence in him

The one that sees the light even when his demons haunt him 

The one that isn't afraid to roll in the muck and get dirty

The one that makes himself through his failures and wants no pity

The one that loves his life without any prize

As beautiful days are born in him and the rewards are just a sweet surprise

He clearly understands life is an adventure and he's fallen in love with it

A beautiful day is not far way as he believes it lives in him 

Turning over a new page I'm writing the next chapter

This will be the place I'm shinning brighter

Living beautiful days for the rest of my life

Fighting away bad old ways that just don't fit my life

Its going to be long drives and a weekly swim at the sea

Watching sunsets with a warm cup of tea

Looking at the mirror and seeing only possibilities

Of more beautiful days that's left in me

Not going to wait for anyone to catch up

I'm just going to dive in and make my own luck

Feels like life is calling out to me

Happiness seems like a new disease spreading in me

So why are you waiting, why don't you make your own days

That's bright and light with smiles all the way

One's that inspire others to awake 

And take advantage of their own power to create

Create powerful happy days

And if your confused or scared take my hand and I'll show you gladly

Together we'll end your sad days and we'd fly into the sky happily

There is nothing like letting go and taking control over your mistakes

Maybe this time you can create something so beautiful to embrace

And please stop blaming fate because it's you whose gotta change 

Every tomorrow is full of new surprises

If your willing to explore every time the sun rises

Stop chasing beautiful days and make them now

I'd rather see a smile today than a frown

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

Wish I Knew

 

Wish I knew I could have done this different 

Thought that the rules were put in place and I was restricted

Wish I knew the sky was the limit 

Was fooled by the limits set by others and remained rigid

Hate that I obediently followed it and never even once questioned it

If I was meant to follow or stand out and make a difference

Wish I knew that I could have resisted 

From following the herd that always seems restless

Wish I knew I had the choice 

And I too had a voice 

Wish I knew nothing is too late

Spend hours regretting and fretting with the hate

Wish I knew the hate was mine to conquer

Instead I stood pissed at the world for making my life full of horrors

Wish I knew that I was a fool trapped in my own self pity

No knowing the sky still awaits to be conquered

But I was too busy wrestling with the ghosts of my past and stuck in my own folly

Wish I knew that I had the control

But instead gave in to the chaos and broke my wings that were meant to take me home

Wish I knew that it takes many trials 

And you win only some and you accept life as it transpires

Wish I knew it is ok to fail

As long as you keep trying with an undying faith

Wish I knew you got to swim against the tide

And it's also ok to rest and drift with no purpose and still feel alive

Wish I knew there is no end to the pain

If pain doesn't motivate you then no prize will taste sweet and probably, you'll squander it in vain

Wish I knew you could try as many times as possible

You can always turn your life around so just relax and fail until you get it right

Wish I knew this is not a race

Chill a little maybe more and take life in a peaceful embrace

Wish I knew I could re-build myself

To the imagine of who is growing through life's twisted challenges

Wish I knew I could take all the time

To sit with loved ones and have a good time

Wish I knew that this life is to cherish

To laugh a lot and cry with the ones that makes my heart rich

Wish I knew I make a difference

Even when it seems like I'm drowning at a distance

Wish I knew I could be a better friend

Someone who extends his hand to pick one up when your beat down by life's tests

Wish I knew I could shut the doors

To the things that serve no purpose to me anymore

Wish I knew this is my life

And I could write it however I wanted it even if it's a tragedy or a comedy likewise

Wish I knew no tears need to be shed 

For no sorrow last forever and true love is to aim for instead

Wish I knew I can do this all over again

And the next time I can do better than my past haunting me through my mistakes

So many ways we can change our lives 

If only you knew your power is hidden deep down inside

But change, do we? Do we grow?

Or do we wake up old wishing we should have known

That one truth we all know inside, that falls to deaf ears and blind eyes

Now tell me isn't it a tragedy while we live just wishing away our lives 

 Knowing that you knew it all

Knowing what you wished you knew was known all this time

And it was you who just kept wishing and turning a blind eye 

 

An Idea

 

You're just an idea evolving, flowing through time slowly dissolving.

The idea of you evolves and your body you have dissolves.

Death's sweet kiss takes your body away and the only thing left behind is this idea

you tried to live and it is a story you lived to say.

There is a quiet yearning to become the best version of your self and that's worth earning.

Challenges are there and no champion is born who is ignorant to his calling.

The process of evolving is not easy and its tormenting.

But if you go with the flow and you focus to only grow.

Fighting through the pain, soaring through the dark phase.

Searching for the light, hoping you're going to shine bright.

Not reacting to the all the bullshit that kept you down in a space you just couldn't fit.

Rising above those traps freeing your soul to soar to such blinding heights.

I know it could get scary sometimes, when all you got is an unwavering faith.

And nobody believes in you and makes you feel foolish while you're drowning in their hate.

But you keep flying into the unknown, not knowing what to expect.

With only a gut feeling that whispers to your soul of an idea that's haunts you to death.

This idea of what you are and who you should become before you rest.

But most don't heed to this calling and falls prey to the fear that is always controlling.

The fear is paralysing, too stray from the herd, to become this idea that no ones heard.

That's what separates the legends from the sheep.

The one that dares even in their sleep.

The quiet soul who follows none and dares himself to walk the paths where others run .

The darkness a friend a familiar territory, he's conquered his demons that eats away his glory.

This quest he's put himself is just a choice.

He seeks no prize and no glory, he's just in for the adventure curious how far he can push his boundaries.

The idea of such a man is what legends speak of.

They come and go over time inspiring the herd to stray from their defeating beliefs.

To stray from the limiting self that seeks to be free.

Explore your limits beyond imagination itself could see.

There is a legend in us all, waiting to be set free.

Why wait for another life, when you can change today even if you think you're too old.

The idea of you can begin today if you just let go. 

An idea of such sorts that's never existed until you had to live it for it to be told.

This awakening is what all men and women seek.

An idea of oneself that will last forever even after the body decays and the soul rests in peace.

To be that someone who came and inspired others who were asleep.

An idea that was given for others to also discover the endless possibility in them waiting to be released.

A Star Is Born

 

Billions of stars twinkling in the skies, each bright and perfect telling a story we are yet to find

Like we humans gaze upon the night skies 

Wondering what it is like to be a star on the heavenly skies

What if a lonely star among them to wished off being human and having a life.

What if it gazed upon our planet each night 

Asking the heavens for a chance to be born as a human to experience a human life

And what if the heavens granted its wish

And the lonely star was born to a mother and father he chose and got what he wished

Born as a human he started his life full of dreams and full of adventure

And soon forgot he was once a beautiful star, and now searching for that beauty being another

He grew up to be a young man, ambitious and wise

The magic of what he was, still hidden in him soon began fading in time

He was trapped in his human form and lost to the human beliefs instilled in him 

And the magic stayed silent and forgotten in him

Young and bursting with life he was exploring and learning to survive

Money, he earned, and it bought him comforts 

And with money came success and a name he earned

Married a young woman and called her his wife

A beautiful wife who loved him dearly who gave him children and a beautiful life

Life seemed to be everything he wished for, but he began to feel distant

Something was missing, he couldn't explain what it is missing in him

He almost knew what it was but then he just couldn't remember, and it was bringing him pain

He gazed out into the skies at night and began to wonder what it would be like to be a star and it sounded insane.

For he was becoming tired of being human, living a human life.

And yearned for things that didn't seem humanly possible as he wished to be among the skies

He secretly wished to be a star someday perhaps when he dies

An old man now he waited for death, his children all grown up 

He finally retired for his rest, a life he lived like his forefathers

Grooming the generation that came after. 

He still sat each night on his chair staring at the stars 

Wondering what the mystery was and it seemed to be calling him from afar

A part of him knew the truth but he dared not speak 

As the last thing he wanted was end up being treated as a mad man with a mental disease

 Things of magic have died on this planet centuries beforehand

But the old man wished if only he could be a star secretly while he lay on his bed

We all wish for things not knowing what we truly want

And when the wish is granted, it begins to be a curse of a sort

Because we wish for only the comfort it brings and not it's challenges

What seemed like a desire turns out to be torture that needs to be vanquished

Isn't this the story of us all, searching for that fulling thing to full us 

Fooled by our senses we seek for it in the world

Not knowing all treasures, we ever wanted was in us 

Secretly waiting to be heard.

The journey always ends where it started 

And you end up looking for that person you failed to discover

The greatest gift is to be yourself 

and if I were you, I'd never change it nor look for it in someone else

For all the stars are too in you and you need not seek to be among them

Because the beauty you saw in them is the beauty you saw in thyself 

Timeless River

 

Time flies, it flows like a river, and you are flowing in it never backwards but always forward no matter what the tide is and the current is. Time this mysterious river that ages us all and takes us away from the physical world after a finite amount, I wonder who decides how long we get to travel in its waters but one thing is fixed. We cannot travel forever and the journey will end one day. We start this journey with so much energy and as the body get's older the energy fades. Right from the beginning of time when human kind lived in the wilderness in small tribes. Humans spend their time to survive, in the beginning it was all about survival. All they did was hunt, so they could eat, find shelter so they could be safe and wore animal skin. We don't just live in the river of our own time, our river exists in different rivers which directly affects your individual river. For example, the Earth too has its river of time, and the earth has evolved drastically over time. It has been home to dinosaurs, and depending at what age of the world you belonged to, your river of time would have been directly influenced by the earth's river of time. We don't have the dinosaurs anymore that was at a different time in the earth's journey and in its current time and the influence it has in our lives, we humans have travelled a long way but yet we work for the basic things the early man did. Food, shelter and clothing, we go to work so we can have all that we require for our basic survival. But that's not it right, though basically it is the only things we need somewhere in the river of earth's time humans evolved to amazing breath taking extends. 

It's not just enough for us to survive we need to thrive, we need more than food, shelter or clothes, we need luxury, we need more in terms of everything, bigger houses, more money, recognition, status, success I could go on and on. Somehow it is not enough for man to have enough, cause enough seems to be never enough. Somehow without being in that league of having more you are going to fall back in the line of society's hierarchy. In other words if you need to get your ass kissed or seem relevant you need to have more. But yet we evolve, we evolve and we don't even notice it. Maybe the earth too has an ultimate purpose to play in the universe. But do we really even want to know what is the earth's purpose when we struggle to understand our own. Meantime we are stuck in the survival process that has got so complicated since the early man we have completely fallen out of sync with the planet. We have fallen into an illusion of a possession driven life and somehow accumulating possessions is the modern man's ultimate goal. We have just become hoarders, we have reduced ourselves to collecting worldly possessions and it has become so normal it will be madness if you thought anyway else. I guess there is nothing wrong in having or wanting to have and experience wealth and having all the possessions one could think off. But then concluding that all this is what defines you or life is the part I'm talking about. 

Not having any messiah assigned to save us and the teaching of the old and ancient times fading, are we losing the grip of reality? Are we lost in the greed for power, money, and success. Have we made sacrifices for the wrong reasons or have these reasons become the new standard for survival that we forget to be humane. The truth is we are all so deeply affected we don't stop to think and instead feed all our energy to running the rat race hoping one day we find fulfilment like once when we were children and in turn we feed these survival skills to the younger generation thinking without it they would be doomed but in actuality we are dooming them by just teaching them to survive in a way we are tying to escape from. The truth is we don't need anything to thrive, we don't need to stress ourselves to the point of madness to find happiness. We just need to understand that the things we are truly looking for are free and there is no price required to be paid. What we all truly want is to dance through life, not matter if it is a thunderstorm or sunshine we are experiencing in our physical reality. What we want is to celebrate life and to live life each moment being completely present and aware of each breath you take and being content by the fact you have truly and joyous lived that moment. What we want is not plan and wait for the experience to come but live that experience each day until it comes true. What we truly want is to be surprised by life each day and lead fulfilled lives in spite of all the things that seem to go wrong or not your way. 

What if you could be the person that takes you to a place within yourself which you thought that never existed. A place that can give you a new level of clarity, focus and drive to be who you truly were meant to be. Being alive is just being aware of your breath, cause that is the only way you know you are alive. Think about it maybe you'd wake up worrying, or wake up desiring so many things, but, not even worry or desire can exist if your not alive. And to be full of life and live each moment to its fullest you cannot be worried all the time nor be a prisoner of your desires, you need to understand the gift of life first to be truly alive, the fact that you're just breathing must mean something to you. And the day it means everything, that day you would begin to realise what it means to be full of life. A profound moment where you are set free from the cycles and man made madness and routines. A point where you see life not from the living or survival point of view fed into your head since birth, but rather from the a point to just live and be you. An effortless sense of being you, clear in the head and focused, full of love in the heart and surplus of energies all driving you to be whatever you wish to be with no regard to possessing anything but rather just experiencing, contributing and supporting to sustain that life in and around you. An abundant being that doesn't need to hoard or hold on to things cause you're always evolving to better versions of you that is already abundantly rich in every way you can fathom.

It is in that realisation that truly sets you free from everything even yourself that seems to be chained to so many things binding you. Be quiet, silence yourself so you hear that inner voice. True growth happens in silence and it does not seek an audience. True growth isn't looking for approval but liberation, liberation from the noise to a peace and quiet where the world is under your grasp and happiness a choice rather than a pursuit. It's in the quiet moments transformation happens where you have the ability to transcend to a new version  of you that seemed impossible to achieve. For this you got to stop running and stand still and from the stillness of your being you will begin to live and enjoy your life in every breath you take living an effortless life riding the waves cruising through the river of time effortlessly. Somehow making your experience here like you were on a timeless river. Because in your stillness time flows through you and in the mad man's world you run behind it. 

One Of These Days

 

One of these days you might not be around

This could be your last sunset have you noticed it go down

One of these days you might lose a parent

Do you cherish every moment with them, do you feel love when you hug them

One of these days you might not get another chance

Why would you wait until then to live your dreams that matters to your heart

One of these days you might lose your way

What way will you choose then, when even money cannot fix the dismay

One of these days you might run out of luck

What kind of man will you be then when everyone else seems to be winning and have having fun

One of these days you might fall out of love

Would you choose to move on or work to win back the magic that went bust

One of these days you might lose all of your accomplishments

What would be the state of your self-esteem, would it be broken or still robustly original

One of these days all of your dreams will come true

What would you give back to the ones that supported you 

One of these days while your riding the waves of success

Would you be the humble man or the fool that sees only his self-interest

One of these days you will realise your getting old

What wisdom will you impart to the younger souls

One of these days if you were tested to take a leap of faith

Would you take it boldly or will your faith crumble under the pressure of the test

One of these days if you were meant to make a sacrifice

Would you go through with it even if it was meant for a stranger who you never met in your life

One of these days you might learn the value of your life

Would you regret the way you lived or be happy to discover the future's bright

One of these days your going to learn to forgive

Would you forgive and forget or give in to the same madness that's destroying your progress

One of these days your going to notice kindness goes a long way

Would you be kind on a stormy day when your ego is bitter and filled with hate

One of those days your going to notice that you change with time

What kind of a person are you becoming are you evolving or depleting with time

Like many of the days gone since today, there was one particular day you were born leading up to one final day you will be gone forever. What kind of change will you bring for the generations that follow you? What would you do in your power and to what extend will you go to bring that change? Or are you just going to live unconsciously and go with the flow and just survive. Or are you going to be an animal of habit and just be consumed impulsively in a loop of set patterns. What is the meaning of living all these days? Is it just to study and become doctors and engineers? Is it just to live it day by day while you marry and then provide for the children? Is it about success, status and money? Are all these the reasons to get up each day and live even after knowing the life you know one day is going to end. Many great men and women have walked this earth who have inspired us. Do we take inspiration from their lives and contribute for a greater cause? Or do we take a journey into our own selves to understand how we should live. I guess there is no one way in living your life. As long as you live each day as such, it adds to your well being and happiness. Maybe all the inspiration in the world you can get is so you just learn to be happy at each moment and just see life as a journey from the start till the end. An experience you are able to conceive because you are an intelligent being. Maybe you'll achieve wonders, maybe not and you'd live a normal calm life. No matter the scenario if you're truly content, satisfied and free, I guess you have figured out to live a meaningful powerful life. 

One of these days your going to see the truth

Your going to see that, you are a heavenly being having a human experience

One of these days your going see past the illusion

That your trying to understand what this life force is within you through your human intelligence

Only You

I didn't know she was a thief,

I didn't know she came to steal

It didn't seem she was like them types

Who'd come to play games and spend the nights

Too much of her has been broken 

She's lost her faith and now she's in ruins

Too much of her has been taken

She always stares at herself in the mirror wondering why she's always mistaken

She carries the brokenness from her past 

All men she hates quietly in her heart 

Her beauty has become her curse, as after her body all men thirst

Her heart turned cold and then to stone

Losing faith in man she took matters into her hand

Her hate fueled her revenge and out for her honor she avenged

She used her curse as her strength and broke the pride of many men

She had them dancing around her in circles

While she took what she lost and broke them until they were cornered

Drunk in her newfound power she thought she had won

Only to find she was alone in the world still wanting to be loved

What plans, the universal mind makes no one knows

But beauty is all what you can see everywhere around in the cosmos

She too was such a plan, while she roamed unknowingly with her troubles in her hand

Her destiny was such that she would be sent to scheme on a kind young man

While she tried to break him, nothing seemed to work on him like the other lads

There was something about his eyes, he was kind and very wise

He always stayed calm and composed and accepted her troubles as his own

He tamed the wild emotions in her which she couldn't control

Something about him was so mysterious, and everything about him made her curious

He just seemed to see her as she once was and gave her the respect she had lost

And without asking he healed her heart, quietly and silently he nursed her troubled heart

The hate that plagued her heart was silenced

There was peace and calm and no sign of violence

She stared at the mirror with disbelief as a smiled cracked on her face for only love she could feel

Life is like this she thought to herself for only you were meant to be mine and no one else

Only you could change the brokenness in me, only you could see the beauty in me

The once cursed heart was now blessed with a blissful feeling 

And like all stories her life began to have meaning

There's only you and you alone for me

Without you there's no place called home for me

Only you make me feel like it's ok to be me

Because only you need me as me

You taught me that I'm enough, as I am

Your contentment makes me full of happiness when I'm sad

You exposed the truth and set me free 

Just when I felt like I should give up you gave hope to me

All the hurt and the pain of my past makes sense

Only now do I see the value of who I am from the values you gave me instead

You made me whole as whole as I can be

Only you made me, see me, for what I am and could be

The Man In The Mirror

I feel different now a days, I'm no longer interested in the things I once loved. Feels like a new persona is emerging from my core and I'm in the, in between stage, stranded trying to figure out how life is going to unfold in the coming days. There was a time in my life I couldn't imagine being sober, there was always the need to be using something or the other to keep the excitement of living alive in me. But the poison I kept consuming began its damage and now I can barely think of using anything again. I used to absolutely love watching movies and TV shows, never missed a new movie and I'd always see it on the first show. There were weekends I spend just watching movies, 4 shows. But nothing interests me now but solitude and silence, I used to hate spending time in my room and hence I was always out but now I just want to stay home. No longer hanging out with friends and spending late nights at clubs, but now sitting on my sofa wondering how am I going to fill all this time up now. I always found time to do something or the other, but now I just want to sit and be still. And If I break and go back to my old self I get sick to my stomach. All these years I have been falling into myself just falling, falling and falling, I see so many changes that has happened over the years. And now the falling seems to be slowing down now a days, and a new feeling that I a floating or levitating is surging and filling in me. I no longer find the need to chase after life and everything seems to find me. Suddenly when I lost all the fear of this feeling of falling I began somehow to fly. The winds of change has swept through me and I beginning to feel like myself after a very, very long time. 

I have always wondered, what is the story of my life? What am I trying to portray by living in my life. This introspection has deepened lately and I beginning to feel like I have reached the future of what my former self had planned, thought or dreamed. All of a sudden I feel so good and my mojo is back, but this time I am not my old self, but a completely new person seems to be emerging. Someone who feels more real to me, a version of myself that's closer to the authentic self I keep feeling in me. I feel so free I know I can literally do anything I want in life and a reassuring emotion overwhelms me, telling me all good things will happen at the right time. I feel relieved from the endless search I was on and now feel it is over and all the answers are going to come to me. I'm in so much peace, I feel light like the warm gently summer breeze. I feel the story of my life is just going to begin. Feels like I've fought all the battles and the war is coming to an end, the calmness I get of that feeling, that I can finally let my guard down now and sit under a tree and just breathe and be free overwhelms me. I feel reassured of my future with so much hope that no mater what is thrown at me, victory is the way it's going to be for me, no matter the odds I have to face. Over dosed in my confidence I feel so relieved and the calmness is filling inside me, putting me at ease. The scars are evident of the experiences I have accumulated over the years that have shaped me and this new person emerging at this moment seems like a truer version of me, someone more authentic and closer to the feeling of me. Someone more rounded and grounded, humble and unshaken. Someone who was a dream in my past not knowing that he was the real me.

When you come from a past that was blindingly dark with the slightest hint nor shimmer of hope, there is no other way than to buckle under its pressure and explode. And when you explode you have a choice, a choice to fall to the the demons that preyed on you, the demons that owned you and mimicked  its ways through you. Chaining you to be the victim helpless and used as a puppet for their own design. Or you rebel and fight those demons until you re-emerge out of it victoriously, having the enemies and the demons by the balls. Like a true man, who shines his light opposing the darkness that consumed him and being the beacon of hope for the generations after him. When the generation before you have failed and took and took and took from you, draining you out of every inch of life in you, you have no other choice than to fight and fight you must for your own right, cause now it has become your fight. Never look up to them as they will shamelessly go to their deaths as the ones that took away everything. Maybe this is nature's own conception so the generation after them will rise. For rise I will to my dying breath, I will fight until I shine so much light the past itself will shine bright. This is how real men are born the ones that stew in the wrath, hate and greed of their elders and thrown to the world to survive. The ones that has rolled in the dirt , fought when no strength was left, the ones that have no other option than to rebel and rebel with his own self until he brings the light home. The ones that are outcast and the ones that exiled their own-selves fighting their demons and figuring their way against the odds thrown at them. This is how real men are born, those who boil under the idea that he can make it or die trying.  

The man in the mirror is beginning to take that shape, I don't know what the future has for me but I know what I must do. Quietly and silently in the backgrounds I will grow. We are all in our journey of life, we are all telling the story of our lives. What is the story you are telling? I'm not asking you to move mountains but at least fight to become the best version of yourself and that by itself would have been the greatest gift you can give to anyone and yourself. I keep looking back at the evolution of myself and each time I look at the mirror I am beginning to realize I'm witnessing the transformation of a boy to a man. And I keep asking the man in the mirror, Who are you? What is your story? It is a long hard way ahead but it is ok, for this is how real men are made, and if your are still wondering how? It is the hard way alone on that highway. It is through the fires of judgment, disappointment and failure, it is through the  coldness of rejection, self-doubt and uncertainty. This is how real men are born, the ones that don't know to quit. The ones that fight for the greater good. And when I am on my death bed moments away from my death I want to look back at my life and feel awesome, I want to feel like I truly lived in all ways imaginable and finally die for a cause as well. For when, I leave this planet I want to leave shining so much light inspiring the future generations and riding a dragon roaring into the heavens.