In My Silence

I've been looking for you, you who I've been staring at the mirror

But every time I think I'm close you only seem more distant than nearer

I've been searching for a way, a way to understand the man but he seems lost forever

And the reflection seems to blur through the distance because I'm somewhere in there and no where altogether

I see so many faces and I wonder which one is the man looking back at me

Am I just the fragments of the imagination of others or is there more man in me.

Is there more to the eyes that stare back at me?, Is there the promise I believe and feel in me?

 There's promise somewhere between those blurry lines the picture is just forming and so far it's  been a  survivors disguise.

 All I have is a hint and I'm still riddling out the riddle of me 

Sadly the only thing I can make out of these pieces is that its not really me

What does he fear? Why don't he reveal himself to me? Why all these trials and why so much of mystery?

Somedays he feels like me and most days like a stranger

He builds himself up and in a second and the next instant destroys himself like an invader

Constantly looking and searching for how I truly should feel, while everything feels like a mistake and at the same time who I should be

I've been you through the moody Mondays and the distracting escapades

I've been you through the constructive hard days and the destructive mad days

I've been you through the pains and the gains

I'be been you when you were promising and when you failed

But nothing of what I am feels like its close to who I truly could be 

And at the same time I have never felt so intimately close too this version of me and I have never felt more stranger than the stranger still hiding in me

The man behind the dreams and the puppet who's still held down by invisible  strings

The man searching for his wings while the winds so turbulently kick him off his heels

I am all of these and much more than what you can see cause the real me is yet to be revealed

Been trying to understand you but I guess I'll never figure you out 

Cause you're so rare and unique, the one like no one around

So when the journey gets lone and tiresome 

I just close my eyes and lose myself in my silence 

Where unfelt words lighten up

Sparking emotions that blows through me like a gentle breeze

And in the dead center of that silence 

I become the miracle I'm always meant to be

Suddenly I recognize the man in the mirror

While I drift away in my silence keeping this secret hidden in me forever

Be That Man

 

I want to be that man who is very relentless in his life

The one who won't give up even when the odds doesn't seem right.

I want to be that man who walks a different path 

A path no man has taken before,  a path no one dares to walk

I want to be that man manly like the man who gave him his life

The one who isn't afraid of what life throws at him 

And enjoys each moment specially the challenging times

I want be that man who never shies away from a fight 

But picks them wisely as he knows his strength and he's tamed his demons quiet

I want to be that man that looks at his challenges with a smile

Even when his enemies outnumber him, he's a whole other animal if provoked so they better hide

I want to be that man who's gentle and kind

And yet flirts with danger as he is also a monster in his mind

I want to be that man who's calm headed and wise 

The one who creates wonders and leads his clan to greater heights

I want to be that man that turns the wheel of destiny 

The one that achieves the impossible in-spite of all the misery

I want to be that man that stands against unjust minds

A man not just with a voice but also of action when its the time

I want to be that man that takes it one day at a time

Living life to the fullest even when life seems boring or a struggle to survive

I want to be that man who lives no fake life or a lie

The one who is bare as his soul just like the Gods intended unique creative and passionately alive

I want to be that man who's given the hardest tests

The one that's given those challenges that prophecies speak off in old tales and legends

I want to be that man who stands for something in his life

The one that brings the change that everyone was waiting for a long time

I want to be that man who's full of honor

The one who lives by a code and his word, humble and grounded

I want to be that man who is all do or die

The one that will go the distance where others won't even try 

I want to be that man who isn't afraid to stand alone

Even when the masses won't call him their own 

I want to be the man who's tried all and went the whole extend

Even if he meets failure at the very end. 

I want to be that guy who never gives up

Always hungry and ambitious chasing dreams bigger than all the universes put as one

I want to be that man who'll move mountains

The one that works wisely conquering his limitations

I want to be that man building his own empire

An empire for the generations that comes after he expires

I want to be that man who made his life worth living

Enjoying his time on Earth as long as he lives in it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Pain

 

This pain is beautiful, it hurts, but it feels right.

This pain is beautiful, it's tearing me apart, but it's fixing all the lies.

This pain is beautiful, it burns, but it cleanses my insides.

This pain is beautiful, it's brutal, but it is making me love me for all I am even the dark sides.

This pain is beautiful, it traps me, and it helps me to find my wings so I could fly.   

This pain is beautiful, it blinds me, and then teaches me to trust all over again through those darkest nights.

This pain is beautiful, it betrays me, and it helps me find my truth hidden in my mind.

This pain is beautiful, it kills me slowly, and slowly it heals me back to life.

This pain is beautiful, it suffocates me, and frees me from my sins weighing me down in my life.

This pain is beautiful, it moves me to tears, and then it releases the demons plaguing my life. 

This pain is beautiful, given by so many people, and yet it teaches me forgiveness than to fight.

This pain is beautiful, it confuses me, and then reveals the path made just for me in this life.

This pain is beautiful, it numbs me of any emotion, and then teaches me compassion through its eyes.

This pain is beautiful, it pains me, until the pain itself feel like love from the divine

This pain is beautiful, it fights me from the person, I'm no longer in my life.

This pain is beautiful, it feels like my enemy, but it becomes a friend that saves me time to time.

This pain is beautiful, it is so painful, that it feels like pleasure sometimes

This pain is so many things expressing itself through my life

Sometimes I think I'm just pain but at the end of each journey it gives me the bliss I deserve in my life

This pain is beautiful cause it is tearing the illusions and the lies

It is setting me free everyday in a way I cannot describe

Sometimes it breaks me down when I not accepting of its trials

It makes me bleed in ways just to show me that I'm destined to rise for the skies

This pain is so beautiful sometimes it makes me cry

Not because it pains me but because I have something so special guiding me through my life

Like an angel sent out from the heavens for me he takes me by the hand and makes me wise

He is tough love but love at it's purest with my best interest in it's mind

This pain is beautiful sometimes I feel I cannot live without it in my life

It's making me a man out of a boy like the Gods wanted it as I'm destined for greater tides

This pain so beautiful I have no words to describe

Guess you need to be lucky like me chosen to carry this burden a miracle in disguise

A blessing sent from the ancestors giving me wonders while I survive

I hope it stays with me always cause sometimes I feel its my father 

Helping me from the heavens showing the way making me shine

This pain so beautiful it is a gift more than a pain 

It is the compass that is guiding me through my doubts and the bad phase

It is the fire from which I am forged tough and rugged through its fire storms

It makes me bold and strong through its cold and brutal frost bites

I have been shaped and reshaped me by all its seasons through out my life

This pain is beautiful can you see it too

Are you also someone in pain that seems to betray you

Open not your eyes but your heart and see, and then you'll realize what it is and how to set it free

You gotta embrace it as it is the only solution to your twisted life's deeds

The only thing showing you the truth of you and how to be free

So pay attention this one last time, learn from it and grow and conquer your life's trials

Stare at the mirror in marvel and wonder of the man you behold in your eyes

And thank the pain that set you free without asking anything for a price

This pain is beautiful it is the best thing in my life

Embrace your pain before it's too late and be the person who you are destined tin this life.

The Truth

Why am I here I keep asking?
What is it like to truly live I keep pondering?
Trapped in a head filled with so much imagination.
Thinking if these are the ways to live
With so much hesitation
I slide through life hoping I’ll get a chance to live it fully 
One exhilarating exploration exploding out of me
With many surprises beyond my anticipation and imagination
But I've faced many trials that has put me in an unsettling disposition
Because life is a complete mystery 
And I swing between happiness and utter confusion 
I stay stuck between this dance of it's highs and lows
Inspite of all the work that I've put in
I have been hit back with all the resistance and remorse
While I started this journey with only one mission 
And that mission in mind is towards excellence 
I’m tired of fighting and my energy is drained 
Drained out of my existence and efforts are going in vain
Still not willing to give up nor give in
Still willingly able to get back up and fight it till the end
But I’m at the end of my patience 
And I wish I'd strike some luck
Before this life fucks me up

There was a time long back when magic happened out off habit
Life flowed and glowed
Pulling rabbits out of hats metaphorically happened            
But somehow life hit me with a lightning bolt 
Stole the rabbit and the hat and the magic from my hold
With my mojo stolen I roamed about like a hobo 
Hoping for a miracle to save me from my sorrows
Cause I felt destroyed and betrayed 
Hurt and lost without my magic it was pure dismay
Looking for the spark in every single branch in every todays and tomorrows 
And nobody could help me cause this was not something I could borrow
Because your magic is your magic 
Without it you cannot create and this was my sorrow
This is life it has it’s ways, sometimes your up or fading away
Sometimes it does not give a fuck 
Even if you have been riding through life’s tests
Sometimes you got to fall to such an extend 
That getting back up seems scary or too tedious in your head
Only the strongest of the strongest are given these test so they come to realize                                          That they religiously blew it up looking through the ego’s eyes
While the magic hid deep within them even if they could not see it in their minds
Realizing this was the mystery life was teaching me
To see through my soul as I'm more than I've imagined me to be 

This is life, sometimes it’s green and sometimes it’s red 
Sometimes your on the highway instead
It gives you everything and then takes it away 
So that you learn the value of you from all the materials and the hate
So that you learn, you are the magic itself 
And learning to believe in you through all these tests
The picture might not be clear but always keep the faith
Because after one devastating fall all you'll have is your faith
A faith directed to thy own self
The only person who can set you free from your life's test
In you, you should believe to the very end
As the answers are embedded in your very head
The truth be told it is sort of a revealing 
The grandness of the creator is in you 
So don't stop beliveing 
All the riches are buried in your soul 
Only if you could see this can you see the truth that life holds.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

A Beautiful Day

 

Turning over the page, starting up a new chapter 

Been evolving quietly through the years with some tears and some laughter

Wiping away the dirt and the hurt which no longer matters

Everyday is beginning to feel like a new day, it feels like happily ever after

Filled with surprises, when the sun rises and nothing seems to matter

With no aim that seems far away I'm loving every second of every hour

Sometimes you got to roll in the mud while your stuck in a rut

And figure yourself out through the dark

That seems to be eating away your spark

Life is like walking in circles, like being lost in a maze

While you're trying to decode how to fall back into better days

And to be that person who is free as the wind and being unstuck 

You got to learn to burn from the inside and find your own luck

Learn to walk with your demons and make peace with their destructive ways

While you are angry at the world and you rage

Fight those weaknesses they try to feed you and then show them the way 

Only then will you see through the bull shit and learn from the mistakes

What would be the price of your happiness if you do not fight

And when you are all bent and bruised with no glue or clue to fix what's been abused

Know this, that it's alright to feel defeat, your only human so just breathe

Try to understand that the heavens has it ways

It's a dance between pain and pleasure to re-direct you to your beautiful days

And once you get there you'll realise

That it was all the breaking and burning and waiting that made it worthwhile

Life will teach you to earn your glory times

So don't fret nor regret as your journey doesn't end tonight

When all the restlessness settles peace arrives

And when peace arrives  happiness you'll derive

All that rolling and burning has shaped a new person, mysterious and wise

Someone who see's beauty even when the day seems dry

Someone who feels complete and light as the air

Bright as the sun and clear from the despair

Someone who's found a rhythm to his life

The kind of rhythm that makes you dance till you die

A purpose, a reason and a new meaning you will find 

Just surviving is out of the question cause your here to shine

Beautiful days will follow such a person 

The one who's got unwavering confidence in him

The one that sees the light even when his demons haunt him 

The one that isn't afraid to roll in the muck and get dirty

The one that makes himself through his failures and wants no pity

The one that loves his life without any prize

As beautiful days are born in him and the rewards are just a sweet surprise

He clearly understands life is an adventure and he's fallen in love with it

A beautiful day is not far way as he believes it lives in him 

Turning over a new page I'm writing the next chapter

This will be the place I'm shinning brighter

Living beautiful days for the rest of my life

Fighting away bad old ways that just don't fit my life

Its going to be long drives and a weekly swim at the sea

Watching sunsets with a warm cup of tea

Looking at the mirror and seeing only possibilities

Of more beautiful days that's left in me

Not going to wait for anyone to catch up

I'm just going to dive in and make my own luck

Feels like life is calling out to me

Happiness seems like a new disease spreading in me

So why are you waiting, why don't you make your own days

That's bright and light with smiles all the way

One's that inspire others to awake 

And take advantage of their own power to create

Create powerful happy days

And if your confused or scared take my hand and I'll show you gladly

Together we'll end your sad days and we'd fly into the sky happily

There is nothing like letting go and taking control over your mistakes

Maybe this time you can create something so beautiful to embrace

And please stop blaming fate because it's you whose gotta change 

Every tomorrow is full of new surprises

If your willing to explore every time the sun rises

Stop chasing beautiful days and make them now

I'd rather see a smile today than a frown

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

Wish I Knew

 

Wish I knew I could have done this different 

Thought that the rules were put in place and I was restricted

Wish I knew the sky was the limit 

Was fooled by the limits set by others and remained rigid

Hate that I obediently followed it and never even once questioned it

If I was meant to follow or stand out and make a difference

Wish I knew that I could have resisted 

From following the herd that always seems restless

Wish I knew I had the choice 

And I too had a voice 

Wish I knew nothing is too late

Spend hours regretting and fretting with the hate

Wish I knew the hate was mine to conquer

Instead I stood pissed at the world for making my life full of horrors

Wish I knew that I was a fool trapped in my own self pity

No knowing the sky still awaits to be conquered

But I was too busy wrestling with the ghosts of my past and stuck in my own folly

Wish I knew that I had the control

But instead gave in to the chaos and broke my wings that were meant to take me home

Wish I knew that it takes many trials 

And you win only some and you accept life as it transpires

Wish I knew it is ok to fail

As long as you keep trying with an undying faith

Wish I knew you got to swim against the tide

And it's also ok to rest and drift with no purpose and still feel alive

Wish I knew there is no end to the pain

If pain doesn't motivate you then no prize will taste sweet and probably, you'll squander it in vain

Wish I knew you could try as many times as possible

You can always turn your life around so just relax and fail until you get it right

Wish I knew this is not a race

Chill a little maybe more and take life in a peaceful embrace

Wish I knew I could re-build myself

To the imagine of who is growing through life's twisted challenges

Wish I knew I could take all the time

To sit with loved ones and have a good time

Wish I knew that this life is to cherish

To laugh a lot and cry with the ones that makes my heart rich

Wish I knew I make a difference

Even when it seems like I'm drowning at a distance

Wish I knew I could be a better friend

Someone who extends his hand to pick one up when your beat down by life's tests

Wish I knew I could shut the doors

To the things that serve no purpose to me anymore

Wish I knew this is my life

And I could write it however I wanted it even if it's a tragedy or a comedy likewise

Wish I knew no tears need to be shed 

For no sorrow last forever and true love is to aim for instead

Wish I knew I can do this all over again

And the next time I can do better than my past haunting me through my mistakes

So many ways we can change our lives 

If only you knew your power is hidden deep down inside

But change, do we? Do we grow?

Or do we wake up old wishing we should have known

That one truth we all know inside, that falls to deaf ears and blind eyes

Now tell me isn't it a tragedy while we live just wishing away our lives 

 Knowing that you knew it all

Knowing what you wished you knew was known all this time

And it was you who just kept wishing and turning a blind eye 

 

An Idea

 

You're just an idea evolving, flowing through time slowly dissolving.

The idea of you evolves and your body you have dissolves.

Death's sweet kiss takes your body away and the only thing left behind is this idea

you tried to live and it is a story you lived to say.

There is a quiet yearning to become the best version of your self and that's worth earning.

Challenges are there and no champion is born who is ignorant to his calling.

The process of evolving is not easy and its tormenting.

But if you go with the flow and you focus to only grow.

Fighting through the pain, soaring through the dark phase.

Searching for the light, hoping you're going to shine bright.

Not reacting to the all the bullshit that kept you down in a space you just couldn't fit.

Rising above those traps freeing your soul to soar to such blinding heights.

I know it could get scary sometimes, when all you got is an unwavering faith.

And nobody believes in you and makes you feel foolish while you're drowning in their hate.

But you keep flying into the unknown, not knowing what to expect.

With only a gut feeling that whispers to your soul of an idea that's haunts you to death.

This idea of what you are and who you should become before you rest.

But most don't heed to this calling and falls prey to the fear that is always controlling.

The fear is paralysing, too stray from the herd, to become this idea that no ones heard.

That's what separates the legends from the sheep.

The one that dares even in their sleep.

The quiet soul who follows none and dares himself to walk the paths where others run .

The darkness a friend a familiar territory, he's conquered his demons that eats away his glory.

This quest he's put himself is just a choice.

He seeks no prize and no glory, he's just in for the adventure curious how far he can push his boundaries.

The idea of such a man is what legends speak of.

They come and go over time inspiring the herd to stray from their defeating beliefs.

To stray from the limiting self that seeks to be free.

Explore your limits beyond imagination itself could see.

There is a legend in us all, waiting to be set free.

Why wait for another life, when you can change today even if you think you're too old.

The idea of you can begin today if you just let go. 

An idea of such sorts that's never existed until you had to live it for it to be told.

This awakening is what all men and women seek.

An idea of oneself that will last forever even after the body decays and the soul rests in peace.

To be that someone who came and inspired others who were asleep.

An idea that was given for others to also discover the endless possibility in them waiting to be released.

A Star Is Born

 

Billions of stars twinkling in the skies, each bright and perfect telling a story we are yet to find

Like we humans gaze upon the night skies 

Wondering what it is like to be a star on the heavenly skies

What if a lonely star among them to wished off being human and having a life.

What if it gazed upon our planet each night 

Asking the heavens for a chance to be born as a human to experience a human life

And what if the heavens granted its wish

And the lonely star was born to a mother and father he chose and got what he wished

Born as a human he started his life full of dreams and full of adventure

And soon forgot he was once a beautiful star, and now searching for that beauty being another

He grew up to be a young man, ambitious and wise

The magic of what he was, still hidden in him soon began fading in time

He was trapped in his human form and lost to the human beliefs instilled in him 

And the magic stayed silent and forgotten in him

Young and bursting with life he was exploring and learning to survive

Money, he earned, and it bought him comforts 

And with money came success and a name he earned

Married a young woman and called her his wife

A beautiful wife who loved him dearly who gave him children and a beautiful life

Life seemed to be everything he wished for, but he began to feel distant

Something was missing, he couldn't explain what it is missing in him

He almost knew what it was but then he just couldn't remember, and it was bringing him pain

He gazed out into the skies at night and began to wonder what it would be like to be a star and it sounded insane.

For he was becoming tired of being human, living a human life.

And yearned for things that didn't seem humanly possible as he wished to be among the skies

He secretly wished to be a star someday perhaps when he dies

An old man now he waited for death, his children all grown up 

He finally retired for his rest, a life he lived like his forefathers

Grooming the generation that came after. 

He still sat each night on his chair staring at the stars 

Wondering what the mystery was and it seemed to be calling him from afar

A part of him knew the truth but he dared not speak 

As the last thing he wanted was end up being treated as a mad man with a mental disease

 Things of magic have died on this planet centuries beforehand

But the old man wished if only he could be a star secretly while he lay on his bed

We all wish for things not knowing what we truly want

And when the wish is granted, it begins to be a curse of a sort

Because we wish for only the comfort it brings and not it's challenges

What seemed like a desire turns out to be torture that needs to be vanquished

Isn't this the story of us all, searching for that fulling thing to full us 

Fooled by our senses we seek for it in the world

Not knowing all treasures, we ever wanted was in us 

Secretly waiting to be heard.

The journey always ends where it started 

And you end up looking for that person you failed to discover

The greatest gift is to be yourself 

and if I were you, I'd never change it nor look for it in someone else

For all the stars are too in you and you need not seek to be among them

Because the beauty you saw in them is the beauty you saw in thyself 

As Time Goes By

As time goes by I see more of the truth

What was complicated seems so simple and troubles just a few

As time goes by I've become humble in my heart

Through the eyes of humbleness I'm humbled by my life so far

As time goes by I learnt to trust

Friends I've lost taught me that it's easily broken and only your heart you must trust

As time goes by I have rediscovered my freedom

I realised that I'm not fully free until I'm free from all ignorance

As time goes by I've learnt to love

I loved and I have lost but I continue to love

As time goes by I have lost loved ones to death

I've realised that time is precious with the ones you truly care

As time goes by I understood that pleasure is not happiness

Pleasure is for selfish self interest and happiness is for sharing with others

As time goes by I learn to live this life

I understand meaning and purpose is what I define

As time goes by I go guns blazing

I chase all my dreams and I'll stop at nothing short of amazing

As time goes by I'm in tune with my life

I have understood that breathing by itself is the gift and not the wealth or the fame or any worldly prize

As time goes by I am getting soft

I've become more compassionate for all life around

As time goes by I've realised I'm nothing

One day even my body would be turned to ashes and I'll return to nothing

As time goes by I look more and more into the stars

I begin to believe there is a creator and hope for his blessings without which I won't last

As time goes by I cherish old friends

The ones that stood by me when life put me through its tests

As time goes by I prepare to leave this world

I hope I leave it such it's better since my birth

As time goes by I am becoming silent

I just want to create and inspire rather than explode with violence

As time goes by I want to share my life story

A story that inspires in silence but ferociously 

As times goes by I've got many scars

scars that show that hard battles were fought and won 

As time goes by as it always does

Realise life is a gift so let go of all the heaviness that's weighing your fun

As time goes by until it ends for me

I'll be here for you whenever you need me

As time goes by I wish to see

A world that's found all the wealth and it's peace

As time goes by this poem will be forgotten

As time erases everything as only time is immortal

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

The Man In The Mirror

I feel different now a days, I'm no longer interested in the things I once loved. Feels like a new persona is emerging from my core and I'm in the, in between stage, stranded trying to figure out how life is going to unfold in the coming days. There was a time in my life I couldn't imagine being sober, there was always the need to be using something or the other to keep the excitement of living alive in me. But the poison I kept consuming began its damage and now I can barely think of using anything again. I used to absolutely love watching movies and TV shows, never missed a new movie and I'd always see it on the first show. There were weekends I spend just watching movies, 4 shows. But nothing interests me now but solitude and silence, I used to hate spending time in my room and hence I was always out but now I just want to stay home. No longer hanging out with friends and spending late nights at clubs, but now sitting on my sofa wondering how am I going to fill all this time up now. I always found time to do something or the other, but now I just want to sit and be still. And If I break and go back to my old self I get sick to my stomach. All these years I have been falling into myself just falling, falling and falling, I see so many changes that has happened over the years. And now the falling seems to be slowing down now a days, and a new feeling that I a floating or levitating is surging and filling in me. I no longer find the need to chase after life and everything seems to find me. Suddenly when I lost all the fear of this feeling of falling I began somehow to fly. The winds of change has swept through me and I beginning to feel like myself after a very, very long time. 

I have always wondered, what is the story of my life? What am I trying to portray by living in my life. This introspection has deepened lately and I beginning to feel like I have reached the future of what my former self had planned, thought or dreamed. All of a sudden I feel so good and my mojo is back, but this time I am not my old self, but a completely new person seems to be emerging. Someone who feels more real to me, a version of myself that's closer to the authentic self I keep feeling in me. I feel so free I know I can literally do anything I want in life and a reassuring emotion overwhelms me, telling me all good things will happen at the right time. I feel relieved from the endless search I was on and now feel it is over and all the answers are going to come to me. I'm in so much peace, I feel light like the warm gently summer breeze. I feel the story of my life is just going to begin. Feels like I've fought all the battles and the war is coming to an end, the calmness I get of that feeling, that I can finally let my guard down now and sit under a tree and just breathe and be free overwhelms me. I feel reassured of my future with so much hope that no mater what is thrown at me, victory is the way it's going to be for me, no matter the odds I have to face. Over dosed in my confidence I feel so relieved and the calmness is filling inside me, putting me at ease. The scars are evident of the experiences I have accumulated over the years that have shaped me and this new person emerging at this moment seems like a truer version of me, someone more authentic and closer to the feeling of me. Someone more rounded and grounded, humble and unshaken. Someone who was a dream in my past not knowing that he was the real me.

When you come from a past that was blindingly dark with the slightest hint nor shimmer of hope, there is no other way than to buckle under its pressure and explode. And when you explode you have a choice, a choice to fall to the the demons that preyed on you, the demons that owned you and mimicked  its ways through you. Chaining you to be the victim helpless and used as a puppet for their own design. Or you rebel and fight those demons until you re-emerge out of it victoriously, having the enemies and the demons by the balls. Like a true man, who shines his light opposing the darkness that consumed him and being the beacon of hope for the generations after him. When the generation before you have failed and took and took and took from you, draining you out of every inch of life in you, you have no other choice than to fight and fight you must for your own right, cause now it has become your fight. Never look up to them as they will shamelessly go to their deaths as the ones that took away everything. Maybe this is nature's own conception so the generation after them will rise. For rise I will to my dying breath, I will fight until I shine so much light the past itself will shine bright. This is how real men are born the ones that stew in the wrath, hate and greed of their elders and thrown to the world to survive. The ones that has rolled in the dirt , fought when no strength was left, the ones that have no other option than to rebel and rebel with his own self until he brings the light home. The ones that are outcast and the ones that exiled their own-selves fighting their demons and figuring their way against the odds thrown at them. This is how real men are born, those who boil under the idea that he can make it or die trying.  

The man in the mirror is beginning to take that shape, I don't know what the future has for me but I know what I must do. Quietly and silently in the backgrounds I will grow. We are all in our journey of life, we are all telling the story of our lives. What is the story you are telling? I'm not asking you to move mountains but at least fight to become the best version of yourself and that by itself would have been the greatest gift you can give to anyone and yourself. I keep looking back at the evolution of myself and each time I look at the mirror I am beginning to realize I'm witnessing the transformation of a boy to a man. And I keep asking the man in the mirror, Who are you? What is your story? It is a long hard way ahead but it is ok, for this is how real men are made, and if your are still wondering how? It is the hard way alone on that highway. It is through the fires of judgment, disappointment and failure, it is through the  coldness of rejection, self-doubt and uncertainty. This is how real men are born, the ones that don't know to quit. The ones that fight for the greater good. And when I am on my death bed moments away from my death I want to look back at my life and feel awesome, I want to feel like I truly lived in all ways imaginable and finally die for a cause as well. For when, I leave this planet I want to leave shining so much light inspiring the future generations and riding a dragon roaring into the heavens.

Her Name Is Freedom

The weekend is here but for me everyday is beginning to feel like the weekend, because I have her beside me. They tried to keep me from her, but she and I we are like magnets always attracted to each other. To feel her in me I'd walk any distance and fight any battle, climb any mountain and swim any ocean as she is my wings and my armor. Knowing she's always with me is my power, adventure is her middle name she brings excitement to every hour. While I'm stuck in mundane routines necessary for my survival she pays a visit to remind me to pursue what I desire. She was once a myth I used to imagine in my mind, hoping some day destiny would play cupid to intertwine her into my life. She seemed so distant, so far away impossible to reach, I felt she was kept away by the people around me and this mystery just deepened in me. History too is proof of this fact, greedy Monarchs have enslaved countries forbidding millions of people of their rights to her in their own lands. Millions have fought for her and have been declared radicals of society, terrorists, in her name civil wars have been fought and many souls have died, massacred and butchered so that the masses are kept away from the powers of her influence. She's the one every living craves for, not just men but the flora and the fauna too. She is the true nature of us all, we are all meant to be one with her. Restricting her was an efficient way to enslave man, but the enslaving wasn't just physical but also of the mind. 

Some of us are trapped in a way we need to physically fight or retaliate in order to get to her. This is the first way you notice and take back your power, but then she's deeper than you think cause the final battle will be with ones own mind to understand what she can truly offer. Once the body is physically free to be with her, one begins to feel that they are finally free, but then if you just free the body you can only do things to please the senses, that satisfies only the body, and once the body is satisfied to its fullest, you begin to understand that you are not completely fulfilled yet, you once again begin your search for her. This is where the true journey starts. A bird is happier when its free to fly high in the sky where ever it desires, but setting it free after years of being prisoned in a cage, it might not even know it could fly away into the horizon, because it had forgotten the extend to which it is free to explore the horizon. What does it truly mean to be free for you? You will see the more you define it, the deeper you will understand her. 

I believe it is a journey you have to take, the mission being to free yourself in every way imaginable. For me the meaning has completely changed, I was stuck in a job that drained me out in every aspect possible. I was stuck in cycles of fear to meet unrealistic dead lines, the more I achieved them the more work was dumped on me. Felt like a 24/7 job, for what I wondered, all this effort for a few bucks? That robbed me of my life. And the only way to be fulfilled in this kind of a lifestyle was to buy stuff, drink, party like its still the seventies and go to fancy places for amusement, All this so I'd be able to handle a job, all this to destress so I could stress myself all over again. I'm not saying the activities wasn't fun, Oh boy I had a ball of a time for a while. But soon it did not make me feel like I was truly alive, I felt like a hamster running on a wheel and then I got to thinking, how long am I going to keep doing this to myself. Trust me after you have done it all, all what the body would experience as thrilling and exciting in every imaginable way you will begin to feel bored in the long run and exhausted of all the things you have to do just to be happy. This is when I started paying attention, right when the health problems started showing up. This is when I truly started my romance with her cause I wanted to be free from it all.

I had everything but I felt like a prisoner of my own habits that brewed unhappiness, stuck in an illusionary prison not knowing I could be completely free from it, I have experienced a lot of things in this time of my life but I never felt so trapped ever before in my life. Because my security was dependent on my job and the money I earned from it, my self esteem was dependent on how people perceived me or the way I thought people should perceive me, I was dreadful of failure, I was controlling everything so things went my way, I was way to loyal to my work which I did not like in the first place, I pleased people just to fit in, I constantly worried about the future or worried how things went wrong in the passed and missed the moment completely, I procrastinated, I let my fears take control and never did I try to acknowledge them, I began to understand I had to be free from all this. That is when I answered the question, what does freedom mean to me? And what should I expect out of it in my life? The answer to this question is an ever evolving process cause each year I just want to be more and more free. People, what will you do without freedom? I am talking about absolute freedom, the kind of state, everything you do in your life keeps freeing you. I am learning to be free now a days, I'm not even bothered about the negative emotions that arise in me, I just exist at the moment for just who I am now. Yes I chase big dreams but no, I don't want them to happen in order for me to be happy or make my life complete. In order to reach this place you got to be very honest with your self.  Your freedom begins only the moment when you decide to take your freedom back in all aspects of your life, in however way you wish to be free.

Her name is freedom and I flirt dangerously with her, as I love her for what she is and how she has changed my life. The more free you are from your spirit or soul, more wonders you will accomplish. When your completely free to express your self from your soul, your expression and reaction to life will be very creative, and when your engrossed in a creative process the whole experience itself is liberating and an unimaginable enjoyable process and experience. You become light, yes light, like the light that shines and also the kind of light like being less heavy because you have chosen to unburden yourself and embrace the light making you feel lighter. The more you dive into the process of freeing yourself from the unnecessary burdens you carry, you set those parts of yourself free to explore its freedom, your life will change in no time and effortlessly with such ease. Don't you just feel free by reading this, Well that is the effect she has on you, a strange sort of hypnosis that gives you wings, a mesmerising kind of magic that radiates through her diamond shaped eyes and a very intoxicating vibe she instills to the soul in her whispers, her name is Freedom. Be free my friend, be free as the winds and let it carry you to the heights you thought you couldn't reach. When you free yourself from your own limitations and negative programming, and allow it to open up parts of your self that was restricted to growth, begins to expand in ways you could never have thought it was possible. You uncover hidden potential that was waiting to be discovered. You undo the tyranny of people around you and also the restrictive or destructive patterns in your own-self, you free yourself from the environment and get yourself out of your own way. What a feeling would that be like?, Can you imagine it? Have you ever thought about it? And if you have questions on what you must do, and if you're clueless, don't worry she will whisper it to you.

All the answers are in you, if only you welcomed her with open arms to come and unveil the blindfolds of your negative self beliefs and free you from your own self critical patterns and fears and propel you to explore your confidence with unbiased freedom. If you allowed this, imagine how your life would be, how would you feel? And need I say how wonderful your life will turn out. You're a powerful being, way beyond your reckoning, you no longer need to be that bird in that cage. You can fly to any extend towards the horizon and dare to fly further if you wish. Be so free that every day feels like the weekend where the fun never ends and the smile never fades. 

The Hero Within

Nobody is coming to save you, nobody but you. The moment you realise the importance of yourself, that moment when you look in the mirror and in your mind you say to yourself that you're going to be there for yourself, is a very powerful moment, cause in that moment you have decided that you have your own back without depending on any other. In that moment you have decided to take complete responsibility for yourself, to get you, to the place you truly wish to be in life. Not all moments are bursting with joy and happiness, peace and calm. It's a thunder storm sometimes and emotions rise up like giant waves and you go crashing through life. Sometimes the sun is up and the waters are calm and you're in your element cruising through life effortlessly. Sometimes the sun gets too hot and your stranded in a barren period in your life where you feel stuck, feeling sunk in despair and your motivation at the lowest. Sometimes life is grey with no colour and excitement and you're drifting through life in a routine that doesn't inspire. Life is such a mixture of events making you feel in a certain way at different point in life and even at different times in a day. How long are you going to let the environment control you? How long are you going to let your life be taken away in chucks not even knowing that you could have had a different life altogether. Remember, you are a promise that needs to be kept, to no one but you. And there is no way you will reach that point where you look in the mirror and tell yourself that, yes, this is it, I'm going to find my own way and be my own man. Until, this happens naturally, and it happens naturally to a few who have experienced dire disappoints, failure, pain, rejection or even a life threatening illness. For the rest maybe you are already living the grand life, but, what about the ones that are just drifting through life thinking and believing in their mediocrity. To them I say you ought to make a very conscious decision, you gotta look deep into the reflection looking back at you from the mirror and truly believe that, you are more than you can ever imagine. A mystery that  must be solved and revealed to the world, and most importantly to yourself.

Nobody is coming to save you, trust me on that and even if they come they can only help you or try to inspire you, the real saving has to be done by you. Only the best version of yourself can provide the best life for yourself and then for your loved ones, family, society and the world. A mediocre version of you cannot provide that and lets not even go to the lowest version of yourself. The quality of you, will reflect in all aspects of your life. The more refined you are the more refined your life will be. But before you even start to embark on any life changing journey you really have to look deep and ask the question why you want to do it the first place. It could be for wealth, power, fame or all the above or it could be for noble causes. If you ask me, I'll say it's for true freedom. I am a free man now, nobody has any influence or authority over me but yet I feel I'm not truly free, I'm not free from my emotions that sometimes arrests my true growth. Old programming that actually means nothing, but that has taken over my belief systems that cripple me from my true strengths. I wish to be truly free, and every-time I imagine this, I visualise myself driving a convertible and the wind rushing through my hair and I feel so free, and then I feel like I got wings and I can fly to any destination. I wish to sail through the turbulence of my emotions effortlessly being the bad ass that sails through the mountainous waves that try to engulf me, through the thickest of storms and the rain and the thunder that comes crashing from above me. I want to feel every emotion and receive it joyously and make my way to my dreams effortlesly. To feel all emotions but be free of it, so it doesn't cage me in my body but actually becomes my wings that sets me free.

Nobody is coming to save you, you can keeping waiting but the only thing that is going to happen is old age. To inspire you need to be the inspiration, and most times what we want is to inspire ourselves and look back at life and tell the old scared person we were "See, I told you so". What you truly wish is to astonish your own self and be able to look back in life with such amazment of your accomplishments. It is possible, it is so very possible I assuringly tell you, dream and just keep working on it. You are more than a lump of flesh with a name, you are magical in ways you are yet to understand. Why is it so easy for people to believe in God, when the only source of his existence comes from holy books. But you are so alive and happening now if you slapped yourself hard it would hurt right but yet believing in yourself seems impossible. Most of us put our complete faith in God, I'd say put it in yourself and then you'll start seeing and feeling what God truly is. Don't think I'm honeypotting you to believe some fantasy, no, I'm not saying its going to be a walk in the park, no it's not, but you are going to feel completely different about life and the challenges your going to face. You are going to feel truly alive in ways I cannot begin to describe. This is something everyone must experience, imagine the difference we all would make for ourselves, our families, our community, nation and then for the world. Our lives must have this ultimate aim for doing something for the world, cause without the planet being alive you wouldn't have the experience of life in the first place. We are the only intelligent life form in this planet, that can truly help this mother who has abundantly provided for us. Such compassion cannot come from a mindset that is trapped in a mind that doesn't even belong to itself but is just a mirror of all around him. A sheep that follows the flock mimicking the ones around them. I don't mean any disrespect but isn't it what it is.

Nobody is coming to save you but the hero that is trapped within you. You might think he is asleep but you're wrong he is the only reason you are still holding to that hope. All you need to do is give him permission to come forth from the bottom of your soul, help him out to win the fight from within and when he emerges he'll help you win in the physical world. We are all heroes, maybe you just don't know it yet, you ought to let go of that steering wheel you hold so tightly out of the fear that, if you let go you would crash. The steering wheel resembling the direction of your life and the fear symbolising you. If you could let go of the fear of who you truly can become, you would understand what I am truly trying to say. Most of us dream big things but the moment it begins to happens we cower and run, because you are afraid how you will handle it by yourself. Most times we are afraid of our own success, I know it sounds stupid but weirdly it is true. It is true because you do not want to leave your current comfort zone cause you think you might lose it and then you begin to control how your success should happen to you and not making any effort to get there. We sacrifice all what we can become, for comforts that are keeping us trapped in a tight space, not knowing that the space which we are defending so aggressively will only get bigger, only if you would have believed in your self and moved forward. We all have that hero within us dying to come out and steer our lives in the direction it should be truly heading, listen to his voice, because nobody is coming to save you, nobody can save you from yourself, but him, and only he can set you truly free.  

Lost Prayers On A Stormy Day

When the world's weighing you down and keeps you on the run.

When the dream seems so distant and the rum is all drunk.

While your searching for that break and you're falling out of grace.

Waiting for success's sweet embrace, that seems to be erased from your destiny and fate.

Knowing in your heart, your shit out of luck, and hoping that your life gets unstuck. 

Holding to that hope, afraid to let go, cursing the heavens while unpaid bills lie on the floor.

Your on your knees praying to the Gods for a miracle and saying please for some relief.

He's tested you once, he's tested you twice seems like he's been testing you all this time.

You have jumped through those hoops and crawled under the fires, you climbed the ropes and leapt over the trip wires.

Nothing you do seems to be enough and nothing you do seems to be right. 

All you are left with is self-doubt and judgement and advise.

Feeling like a lost prayer on a stormy day, feeling like a mistake and the heart's filling with dismay.

With Nobody tapping on your shoulder to tell you it's all right, with nobody close to keep you safe through the nights.

You quietly soldier through and come up with a fight.

In the midst of that almost defeat you will find your light.

The beast that you have awoken at this moment is beyond heavens might.

For champions and heroes are born in this hour, when the guns are all pointed at him, and no army beside him to fight.

He will not submit, nor accept defeat, rob him of his luck but his will, you cannot beat.

If the heavens stop him and to the heavens he'll march.

Defeat is the last thing he'll taste or to hell he'll plunge.

No God can kill a man who fears no death, no God can defeat a man who inspires him against the odds he's played with. 

If your cause is true, and you're asking is just, He'd grant you your unwritten destiny to be written as you must. 

In that moment you have become his true creation, powerful in the image as he envisioned.

No prayers are lost and no stormy day last forever.

And all the riches of the heavens are for those who'd just last through that weather.

To all the good souls out there fighting their good fight, don't despair, you're not alone during your stormy times, take it slow and go with the flow and keep your head held high and I promise you'd do just fine. 

Letters To My Sister (Part-1)

 To my dearest sister,

I've been planning to write this for quite some time, but I just couldn't come around to writing it. The trouble wasn't in what to write but where to start, where do I start? How do I begin this? As I'm stalling to find a good beginning to this letter, my mind gets side tracked and I go into a deep introspection pondering  on a question. What do you mean to me? My first memory goes back to what our mother told me when we were children, She said "Vinu, do you know why your father and I decided to give you a sister?, and I asked why?" and she replied saying this " When we die and leave this earth, we wanted you to have someone you can call, your own, your own flesh and blood, so always love her and protect her". Though our stories were closely knit together as kids, life has taken us on different paths. As we are not only separated by vast lands and oceans, we have lost a lot of time since the moment our lives have started as adults. Predominately in most relationships it is not the vastness of the lands or the oceans separating individuals that kills the bond. It's the time spent in silence, time is a strange thing because you could be living right next to someone and yet feel like you're miles apart cause you don't have time to spend with this person or due to other personally problems. Time spent in this silence creates a dangerous distance irrespective of the physical distance between these individuals. But sometimes, something beautiful and powerful is forged in that silence, for its in the quiet moments that all bonds are tested. It's in the quiet moments the beauty of any bond is also revealed. It's in that quietness you see the truth through the illusions. While you are busy building your life and me building mine always remember this, don't let that silence and the ocean of time separating us fool you in anyway, trick you by any means to understanding it for abandonment or neglect. And finally when we get to spend all the time in the world, of what is left, let us not become strangers and drift away quietly becoming old people. Let me be not a fading memory after my death but a warm one that inspires, comforts, loves and liberates you to absolute freedom.

Me, being a self absorbed individual firmly rooted into my pursuits, not finding time at all for anyone is just the way I am. The pieces of this puzzle I'm trying to put together, I must admit, has got tedious and wasn't as simple and easy as I thought it would be and it is taking more time than I anticipated, but trust me, when every last piece falls in its place everything would make sense. Life is like this, you got to dream and go all out and make it happen.  Trust me when I tell you this, you have to go and conquer the world for yourself and feel deserving of it, nobody can do this for you not even me and the world isn't going to come to your door step saying, you are deserving. So don't wait, polish those shoes, sharpen those pencils and get going. And if you come back to me with problems and I don't support you it's because you should learn to fight your own battles, on your own, remember only small people have problems, winners have challenges. And I have always seen you as a champion, see that promise in yourself, aim for the stars, don't think, don't wait for anyone's permission just go and get it done. It's just like how you learnt to swim, once the fear is lost then everything will fall into its place. Live each day with purpose, a small step each day is more than sufficient. This is actual life happening to you now, this is it, you are actually living it, it is happening to you as you are reading this, think, as hard as you want, dream as deep as you can, on how you would like to live this life, what kind of a woman you want to be and then don't be afraid to take your chances. Live a life that makes your heart feel full with life, satisfaction and love each day, let it come bursting out of you, in full gusto and vitality. And if all you want to do is, is sit on a sofa and eat cakes it's fine for me but at least bake the cakes. 

Life is one endless journey with hundreds of journey's within, it's a series of processes wherein learning and growing as a person is a constant until the day you depart. Life becomes stagnant when you refuse to grow as a person, this growth is very essential for the overall wellbeing of yourself and the ones you nurture. Understand that even though you may have multiple roles in your life such as a mother, wife, daughter and so on, there is something else inside you that craves a life separate from all these roles. Nurturing that part of you is paramount, otherwise you will feel like, you have been reduced to just these labels and your identity is just restricted to these roles. These are just roles you play in your life but you are much bigger than this, the idea of you is beyond this labelling, so while you are on this voyage sailing through the tides of life, don't forget yourself but instead discover who you truly are and then be that person, built a true bond with your soul and encourage yourself to live a life guided from it. The majority of the people around you will project their fears and shower their negativity of life on you, pay no attention to the nay sayers, remember the world will always be the way you see it. And if its a beautiful world you seek then you need to feel the same way within you. But don't be folly on your judgement of the real world, accept it for what it is, but always seek only the beauty in it, but also by acknowledging the darkness it bears. Celebrate every moment on this planet, because while you are on your death bed and just before the moment you are about to leave this life, nothing else would matter other than the way you lived your life. So live it to its fullest, try and fail if you must but always try, and while you're trying and failing in life don't give up cause victory could have been right about the corner of that disappointment. Be relentless in your pursuits and enjoy both failure and success equally, and embrace the process of each journey you take, and take it one day at a time.

I want you to know in those quiet moments, sad moments, hard moments and specially the painful moments that I am always with you. Cheering you, knowing with full confidence that you will make it. You are a tough woman with endless potential. Don't let the man's world scare you nor make you feel small. I know the challenges of being a woman who is a mother and a working lady is not easy, I know the harshness of this world could be intimidating at times, I know the world might seem like a very selfish place where you feel robbed of all your efforts. Don't worry in these moments be patient and kind to yourself as these are minor setbacks you will face along the way. One day when you make it, you will thank these challenges for it made a stronger woman out of you. Be silent and graceful during the dark times for it is in this phase you will really built yourself and discover your purpose or true self. And never ever bear any doubt about yourself, there isn't anyone on this planet who went ahead and achieved whatever they achieved by knowing it all before getting it done. Don't fear that unknown and unfamiliar space as we are all learning through the experience and the knowledge is received only after experiencing it. Never think you are alone, remember that, it is in these moments I'm with you more than you know it. This life is a beautiful journey and I want you to trust in yours, believe in it, in every heart beat and every breath you take. For as long as there is life in you, there is also the promise of you awaiting to be experienced. I know life hasn't been very kind for you at the start but then if you're up to changing it your happy ending is just around the corner. I can only defend you against the world but I can't defend you against your own mind. That space between your temples keep them calm and happy, be the cool one in the head and the one with the fiery heart. Most importantly, you are enough for me as you are, you are perfect just as you are, so don't let anybody else make you believe that, in any other way. 

What do you mean to me? The question still lies, but I guess I'll stop here for now and tell you some other time. 

Where Are You Taking Me

 Have you ever wondered where your life is headed to, have you ever stopped and asked yourself, "Where am I going" or "Where are you taking me". Funny when I put it like that,  " Where are you taking me", because it's like you are asking someone else within you. When you look back on life from this moment to the very beginning, as far as you can remember think about all the choices you have made, and think about the journey that unfolded due to these series of endless choices, which you have taken and will continue to take until death. Think about the faces of people who have come and stayed and the ones who left and the ones you lost. Think about all the moments that build you up to this moment, the people who have influenced you, maybe hurt you, the ones that loved you and the ones that set you free. Think about all the happy moments and the sad ones, the highs and the lows and the mind blowing moments or events that shaped your life until this moment, and then ask the question. And think, Does it make any sense? or was it just life happening to you. Were you the one who made all the choices on your own or were you influenced or advised to make them, was it really your life? Was it really your idea all along? or were you just following the masses or what your parents told, or just drifting through life hoping for a miracle. Irrespective of all this yet ask the question. Cause asking this question repeatedly to yourself, you will reveal the things that truly matter to you. You will stop reacting to life and will start setting a course of action to only what matters to you.

The long drives, the late nightcap, the dinner and movies, the day you became a father, the day you lost your father, the day got a raise, the day you were let go. The day you lost your favourite something and the day you found your favourite something thinking you will never find it again, the random stranger with whom you had an awesome conversation, the random stranger who you fought with at the traffic signal, the boss you loved, the boss you hated, the best friend you had who turned out to be a complete mistake or the best friends who still sticks by you after all these years. The day you lost your passion, the day you found it, your first love, your only love, the one that got away, the one who was finally meant to be, the day you found peace, the day you lost it, the tired days and the days wherein you were full of life, rainy days, hot days, colds days and the boring days. The crush, the enemy, things that you hate and the things that you love. How you turned out to be like, was it like you said to yourself as a child, or did the opposite of what you said happen. The retirement plan, the saving account, children's college fund and the holiday planned. The wedding day the funeral day, your children's wedding way, the birth of their children, the moment you become an uncle, grandfather, the moment you're a widower, depressed and lost, happy and found. 

So many experiences come into our lives, some shape us, some teach us to let go, some we enjoy and some scares us. Is this all life is, were we meant to just live to please our senses or understand life through these emotions and die one day. Gosh if it is so, it is awfully boring, cause I think one day we are all going to get tired of it all, and then most of us will only wait for death. There must be another way to life, or living. There must be more, and sometimes I feel it deep inside me, when the boredom sets in once in a while, and then I wonder how long will I keep distracting my self with all these things, I feel it in my bones that, there is so much more to life than what ever this is. I wish I knew what it was, something that's all I can think about. It like a very quiet voice calling out to me. Whispering in my sleep as I ignore it when I am awake, an answer to everything that's going to bring meaning to all this physical experiences in my reality. Something that is going to unveil the illusion of life and give me a sense of satisfaction of who I am or what I am, without this relentless need to accumulate processions and gain importance amongst people. Something that is going to give  me permanent peace and which tells me that I am enough with or without all the insane dreams that I hold. Something that tells me that I am more than enough as I am, right here and right now and there is no need to keep looking for something or someone to come fulfil me. 

Where are you taking me, I asked myself, I've asked this question, when I was having fun on an adventurous day, I've asked this question, while I sat alone at the corner of the pub drinking alone by myself, on a lonely day, I've asked this question while I sat at the center of a group of friends feeling on top of the world, I have asked this question when I was depressed and low, I have asked this question when I achieved something I dreamed off and I've asked this question when I turned 30 years of age, wondering when my life was going to turn around. I have asked this question when I got tired of my job, I've asked this question yesterday before I lay my head on the pillow. This dreamy journey that I'm on now a days is exciting in ways I cannot describe, cause each time I asked the question I always wanted to do something more wild, something that makes me feel more free and alive, and by doing this for the past few years I began to rediscover myself. I rediscovered myself in a completely different light, and I turned out to be a completely different person and more than half the things I did as my old me felt like it wasn't who I truly were, I was just a conditioned self of an imitation, of what other people wanted, mannerisms  that were either enforced in me in the form of discipline when I was young or bad habits or patterns that were picked up along the way. The most important thing, the question gave me was the freedom to be truly me and live a life that I truly wish without having to seek no other's permission but my own. So every time I wake up I ask my myself " Where are you taking me" and immediately I see the next adventure I must venture into, walking into the unknown excited, thrilled and exhilarated.