Where Are You Taking Me

 Have you ever wondered where your life is headed to, have you ever stopped and asked yourself, "Where am I going" or "Where are you taking me". Funny when I put it like that,  " Where are you taking me", because it's like you are asking someone else within you. When you look back on life from this moment to the very beginning, as far as you can remember think about all the choices you have made, and think about the journey that unfolded due to these series of endless choices, which you have taken and will continue to take until death. Think about the faces of people who have come and stayed and the ones who left and the ones you lost. Think about all the moments that build you up to this moment, the people who have influenced you, maybe hurt you, the ones that loved you and the ones that set you free. Think about all the happy moments and the sad ones, the highs and the lows and the mind blowing moments or events that shaped your life until this moment, and then ask the question. And think, Does it make any sense? or was it just life happening to you. Were you the one who made all the choices on your own or were you influenced or advised to make them, was it really your life? Was it really your idea all along? or were you just following the masses or what your parents told, or just drifting through life hoping for a miracle. Irrespective of all this yet ask the question. Cause asking this question repeatedly to yourself, you will reveal the things that truly matter to you. You will stop reacting to life and will start setting a course of action to only what matters to you.

The long drives, the late nightcap, the dinner and movies, the day you became a father, the day you lost your father, the day got a raise, the day you were let go. The day you lost your favourite something and the day you found your favourite something thinking you will never find it again, the random stranger with whom you had an awesome conversation, the random stranger who you fought with at the traffic signal, the boss you loved, the boss you hated, the best friend you had who turned out to be a complete mistake or the best friends who still sticks by you after all these years. The day you lost your passion, the day you found it, your first love, your only love, the one that got away, the one who was finally meant to be, the day you found peace, the day you lost it, the tired days and the days wherein you were full of life, rainy days, hot days, colds days and the boring days. The crush, the enemy, things that you hate and the things that you love. How you turned out to be like, was it like you said to yourself as a child, or did the opposite of what you said happen. The retirement plan, the saving account, children's college fund and the holiday planned. The wedding day the funeral day, your children's wedding way, the birth of their children, the moment you become an uncle, grandfather, the moment you're a widower, depressed and lost, happy and found. 

So many experiences come into our lives, some shape us, some teach us to let go, some we enjoy and some scares us. Is this all life is, were we meant to just live to please our senses or understand life through these emotions and die one day. Gosh if it is so, it is awfully boring, cause I think one day we are all going to get tired of it all, and then most of us will only wait for death. There must be another way to life, or living. There must be more, and sometimes I feel it deep inside me, when the boredom sets in once in a while, and then I wonder how long will I keep distracting my self with all these things, I feel it in my bones that, there is so much more to life than what ever this is. I wish I knew what it was, something that's all I can think about. It like a very quiet voice calling out to me. Whispering in my sleep as I ignore it when I am awake, an answer to everything that's going to bring meaning to all this physical experiences in my reality. Something that is going to unveil the illusion of life and give me a sense of satisfaction of who I am or what I am, without this relentless need to accumulate processions and gain importance amongst people. Something that is going to give  me permanent peace and which tells me that I am enough with or without all the insane dreams that I hold. Something that tells me that I am more than enough as I am, right here and right now and there is no need to keep looking for something or someone to come fulfil me. 

Where are you taking me, I asked myself, I've asked this question, when I was having fun on an adventurous day, I've asked this question, while I sat alone at the corner of the pub drinking alone by myself, on a lonely day, I've asked this question while I sat at the center of a group of friends feeling on top of the world, I have asked this question when I was depressed and low, I have asked this question when I achieved something I dreamed off and I've asked this question when I turned 30 years of age, wondering when my life was going to turn around. I have asked this question when I got tired of my job, I've asked this question yesterday before I lay my head on the pillow. This dreamy journey that I'm on now a days is exciting in ways I cannot describe, cause each time I asked the question I always wanted to do something more wild, something that makes me feel more free and alive, and by doing this for the past few years I began to rediscover myself. I rediscovered myself in a completely different light, and I turned out to be a completely different person and more than half the things I did as my old me felt like it wasn't who I truly were, I was just a conditioned self of an imitation, of what other people wanted, mannerisms  that were either enforced in me in the form of discipline when I was young or bad habits or patterns that were picked up along the way. The most important thing, the question gave me was the freedom to be truly me and live a life that I truly wish without having to seek no other's permission but my own. So every time I wake up I ask my myself " Where are you taking me" and immediately I see the next adventure I must venture into, walking into the unknown excited, thrilled and exhilarated.