In My Silence

I've been looking for you, you who I've been staring at the mirror

But every time I think I'm close you only seem more distant than nearer

I've been searching for a way, a way to understand the man but he seems lost forever

And the reflection seems to blur through the distance because I'm somewhere in there and no where altogether

I see so many faces and I wonder which one is the man looking back at me

Am I just the fragments of the imagination of others or is there more man in me.

Is there more to the eyes that stare back at me?, Is there the promise I believe and feel in me?

 There's promise somewhere between those blurry lines the picture is just forming and so far it's  been a  survivors disguise.

 All I have is a hint and I'm still riddling out the riddle of me 

Sadly the only thing I can make out of these pieces is that its not really me

What does he fear? Why don't he reveal himself to me? Why all these trials and why so much of mystery?

Somedays he feels like me and most days like a stranger

He builds himself up and in a second and the next instant destroys himself like an invader

Constantly looking and searching for how I truly should feel, while everything feels like a mistake and at the same time who I should be

I've been you through the moody Mondays and the distracting escapades

I've been you through the constructive hard days and the destructive mad days

I've been you through the pains and the gains

I'be been you when you were promising and when you failed

But nothing of what I am feels like its close to who I truly could be 

And at the same time I have never felt so intimately close too this version of me and I have never felt more stranger than the stranger still hiding in me

The man behind the dreams and the puppet who's still held down by invisible  strings

The man searching for his wings while the winds so turbulently kick him off his heels

I am all of these and much more than what you can see cause the real me is yet to be revealed

Been trying to understand you but I guess I'll never figure you out 

Cause you're so rare and unique, the one like no one around

So when the journey gets lone and tiresome 

I just close my eyes and lose myself in my silence 

Where unfelt words lighten up

Sparking emotions that blows through me like a gentle breeze

And in the dead center of that silence 

I become the miracle I'm always meant to be

Suddenly I recognize the man in the mirror

While I drift away in my silence keeping this secret hidden in me forever

Be That Man

 

I want to be that man who is very relentless in his life

The one who won't give up even when the odds doesn't seem right.

I want to be that man who walks a different path 

A path no man has taken before,  a path no one dares to walk

I want to be that man manly like the man who gave him his life

The one who isn't afraid of what life throws at him 

And enjoys each moment specially the challenging times

I want be that man who never shies away from a fight 

But picks them wisely as he knows his strength and he's tamed his demons quiet

I want to be that man that looks at his challenges with a smile

Even when his enemies outnumber him, he's a whole other animal if provoked so they better hide

I want to be that man who's gentle and kind

And yet flirts with danger as he is also a monster in his mind

I want to be that man who's calm headed and wise 

The one who creates wonders and leads his clan to greater heights

I want to be that man that turns the wheel of destiny 

The one that achieves the impossible in-spite of all the misery

I want to be that man that stands against unjust minds

A man not just with a voice but also of action when its the time

I want to be that man that takes it one day at a time

Living life to the fullest even when life seems boring or a struggle to survive

I want to be that man who lives no fake life or a lie

The one who is bare as his soul just like the Gods intended unique creative and passionately alive

I want to be that man who's given the hardest tests

The one that's given those challenges that prophecies speak off in old tales and legends

I want to be that man who stands for something in his life

The one that brings the change that everyone was waiting for a long time

I want to be that man who's full of honor

The one who lives by a code and his word, humble and grounded

I want to be that man who is all do or die

The one that will go the distance where others won't even try 

I want to be that man who isn't afraid to stand alone

Even when the masses won't call him their own 

I want to be the man who's tried all and went the whole extend

Even if he meets failure at the very end. 

I want to be that guy who never gives up

Always hungry and ambitious chasing dreams bigger than all the universes put as one

I want to be that man who'll move mountains

The one that works wisely conquering his limitations

I want to be that man building his own empire

An empire for the generations that comes after he expires

I want to be that man who made his life worth living

Enjoying his time on Earth as long as he lives in it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Pain

 

This pain is beautiful, it hurts, but it feels right.

This pain is beautiful, it's tearing me apart, but it's fixing all the lies.

This pain is beautiful, it burns, but it cleanses my insides.

This pain is beautiful, it's brutal, but it is making me love me for all I am even the dark sides.

This pain is beautiful, it traps me, and it helps me to find my wings so I could fly.   

This pain is beautiful, it blinds me, and then teaches me to trust all over again through those darkest nights.

This pain is beautiful, it betrays me, and it helps me find my truth hidden in my mind.

This pain is beautiful, it kills me slowly, and slowly it heals me back to life.

This pain is beautiful, it suffocates me, and frees me from my sins weighing me down in my life.

This pain is beautiful, it moves me to tears, and then it releases the demons plaguing my life. 

This pain is beautiful, given by so many people, and yet it teaches me forgiveness than to fight.

This pain is beautiful, it confuses me, and then reveals the path made just for me in this life.

This pain is beautiful, it numbs me of any emotion, and then teaches me compassion through its eyes.

This pain is beautiful, it pains me, until the pain itself feel like love from the divine

This pain is beautiful, it fights me from the person, I'm no longer in my life.

This pain is beautiful, it feels like my enemy, but it becomes a friend that saves me time to time.

This pain is beautiful, it is so painful, that it feels like pleasure sometimes

This pain is so many things expressing itself through my life

Sometimes I think I'm just pain but at the end of each journey it gives me the bliss I deserve in my life

This pain is beautiful cause it is tearing the illusions and the lies

It is setting me free everyday in a way I cannot describe

Sometimes it breaks me down when I not accepting of its trials

It makes me bleed in ways just to show me that I'm destined to rise for the skies

This pain is so beautiful sometimes it makes me cry

Not because it pains me but because I have something so special guiding me through my life

Like an angel sent out from the heavens for me he takes me by the hand and makes me wise

He is tough love but love at it's purest with my best interest in it's mind

This pain is beautiful sometimes I feel I cannot live without it in my life

It's making me a man out of a boy like the Gods wanted it as I'm destined for greater tides

This pain so beautiful I have no words to describe

Guess you need to be lucky like me chosen to carry this burden a miracle in disguise

A blessing sent from the ancestors giving me wonders while I survive

I hope it stays with me always cause sometimes I feel its my father 

Helping me from the heavens showing the way making me shine

This pain so beautiful it is a gift more than a pain 

It is the compass that is guiding me through my doubts and the bad phase

It is the fire from which I am forged tough and rugged through its fire storms

It makes me bold and strong through its cold and brutal frost bites

I have been shaped and reshaped me by all its seasons through out my life

This pain is beautiful can you see it too

Are you also someone in pain that seems to betray you

Open not your eyes but your heart and see, and then you'll realize what it is and how to set it free

You gotta embrace it as it is the only solution to your twisted life's deeds

The only thing showing you the truth of you and how to be free

So pay attention this one last time, learn from it and grow and conquer your life's trials

Stare at the mirror in marvel and wonder of the man you behold in your eyes

And thank the pain that set you free without asking anything for a price

This pain is beautiful it is the best thing in my life

Embrace your pain before it's too late and be the person who you are destined tin this life.

The Truth

Why am I here I keep asking?
What is it like to truly live I keep pondering?
Trapped in a head filled with so much imagination.
Thinking if these are the ways to live
With so much hesitation
I slide through life hoping I’ll get a chance to live it fully 
One exhilarating exploration exploding out of me
With many surprises beyond my anticipation and imagination
But I've faced many trials that has put me in an unsettling disposition
Because life is a complete mystery 
And I swing between happiness and utter confusion 
I stay stuck between this dance of it's highs and lows
Inspite of all the work that I've put in
I have been hit back with all the resistance and remorse
While I started this journey with only one mission 
And that mission in mind is towards excellence 
I’m tired of fighting and my energy is drained 
Drained out of my existence and efforts are going in vain
Still not willing to give up nor give in
Still willingly able to get back up and fight it till the end
But I’m at the end of my patience 
And I wish I'd strike some luck
Before this life fucks me up

There was a time long back when magic happened out off habit
Life flowed and glowed
Pulling rabbits out of hats metaphorically happened            
But somehow life hit me with a lightning bolt 
Stole the rabbit and the hat and the magic from my hold
With my mojo stolen I roamed about like a hobo 
Hoping for a miracle to save me from my sorrows
Cause I felt destroyed and betrayed 
Hurt and lost without my magic it was pure dismay
Looking for the spark in every single branch in every todays and tomorrows 
And nobody could help me cause this was not something I could borrow
Because your magic is your magic 
Without it you cannot create and this was my sorrow
This is life it has it’s ways, sometimes your up or fading away
Sometimes it does not give a fuck 
Even if you have been riding through life’s tests
Sometimes you got to fall to such an extend 
That getting back up seems scary or too tedious in your head
Only the strongest of the strongest are given these test so they come to realize                                          That they religiously blew it up looking through the ego’s eyes
While the magic hid deep within them even if they could not see it in their minds
Realizing this was the mystery life was teaching me
To see through my soul as I'm more than I've imagined me to be 

This is life, sometimes it’s green and sometimes it’s red 
Sometimes your on the highway instead
It gives you everything and then takes it away 
So that you learn the value of you from all the materials and the hate
So that you learn, you are the magic itself 
And learning to believe in you through all these tests
The picture might not be clear but always keep the faith
Because after one devastating fall all you'll have is your faith
A faith directed to thy own self
The only person who can set you free from your life's test
In you, you should believe to the very end
As the answers are embedded in your very head
The truth be told it is sort of a revealing 
The grandness of the creator is in you 
So don't stop beliveing 
All the riches are buried in your soul 
Only if you could see this can you see the truth that life holds.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Father

Sad, a sadness, fill, filling in me. 
Thought you would always be here
And be my strength and fight life along side me
But I guess nothing lasts until eternity
And now I feel the nothingness pouring inside me
And the emptiness of a life without you next to me
Look, I'm looking for you

But you are no where around me

Feeling heavy like the truth is about to hit me

What I thought was not possible became my reality

Now your in a whole other realm

Where you can't take me 

Is this how it was supposed to be 

Why did it end so fast?

Why did you make it hard?

I keep feeling sorry for all the shit that I have done

And your not here for me to ask 

Forgiveness for so many things

And I still can't accept you left and went flying away with your wings

Why didn't you call I was waiting

Hoping we'll talk and mend those bruises

And hold each other up until the pain starts losing

Healing together hoping for a new begening 

Where are you? Do you see me from where you are

Do come and pay a visit here and then 

Cause I miss you with all my heart

Throw me a sign on a hard day 

Whisper in my ears when I'm in dismay

Let the breeze come blowing 

So I feel your hand on my shoulder

Let me know that even when your gone

You will make me strong and bolder

Hold my hand through tough times

Protect me from my enemies  

Who's coming to stab me from my blind side

Show me a sign that your at my corner

And I'll fight through this life and I will not squander

I'll push through my limits and rise for your honour

With a fierceness no one can ever conquer

I promise that I won't let my mind be weak

You should know

I'll give anything to see you one last time

Maybe this is my punishment 

For giving up on you and leaving without saying a goodbye

So I want you to know 

If you'll believe 

It took a whole lot of time to understand

That under all the anger and the pain

I always admired and loved you 

But the words wouldn't come out from me

I know it sounds insane 

But I guess we were all in pain

I hope to make you proud 

So you feel very alive in your spirit

And hope that even death can't separate 

A son from his father 

As some bonds are stronger than the Gods in the heavens

In Between Moments

Been staring at these blank pages wondering what to write

Been struggling to put some words in and arrange it such that it sounds wise

Lately I've got nothing, am just drifting, waiting for the chips to fall in line

During these in between moments I've got nothing to say and write

I've just got things to do and watch destiny unfold my life

What do champions do, I wonder, what goes through their mind

How do they handle these moments that makes them wait for a while

While waiting itself is not what they want and waiting they can't tolerate inside

And their body feels like moving when staying still would be wise

Is there a right thing to do when your whole being can't stay still?

I wonder if it is a test or just time taking a piss

To mess up the momentum you have built

Every new year is a reality check, it's terrifying to realise another year has gone and put to rest

Cause it makes me wonder of life and the journey taken

That  journey that has never found its destination

And the negative thoughts come flooding back into my mind

Another year to start things over, will this be the year I ask my mind?

Or will it be just another year that goes by.

Been chasing this dream for quiet sometime

Somehow it feels like the moment has arrived 

And I am nervous more than I can realise

What would have great men felt in these moments

What would be the thoughts that ran through their mind

I wonder what would they have focused in these in between moments

How do they turn the sober situations over and come out roaring

Turning every moment to their advantage soaring high

These in between moments they mean a lot

They are important more than all the moments you have fought

Cause there is no bigger addiction than winning in this life

So every moment is a step you take towards that moment to be surprised 

And these in between moments are the hardest to survive

Cause in these moments everything is beyond your control

And your left behind impatiently waiting for the story to unfold

Will it set me free? Will it turn out all right? 

Will it take me to the heavens and too unthinkable heights?

Can I stand tall?, Can I breath my first and be super fine?

Cause I've holding my breath for quiet sometime

I have seen many moments that have taken me close

Have overcome many disappoints more than you know

Have had the almost, Oh God, I almost had it moments

Hence these in between moments are not pleasant to be honest

It makes be nervous just out of habit

I must stay still or I might ruin it

I wonder what a warrior does in these moments

Got to teach myself to stay calm and live in the moment

With shields and spears and sword in hand

I wonder what happens in him when the bells of battle rang

Is he calm and quiet to march into the unknown?

When dead itself is waiting for him and the odds unknown

These in between moments always finds the worst of me

I hope this year I would conquer it cause I've been dancing with it 

And it already feels like an eternity to me

 So I walk into this year wondering where I'll be

Will I finally make it and will I be set free

For I yearn to rise from the depths that I've fallen

And finally give the closure to all these in between moments

Blood Lines Calling

 

Ancestors from the past are calling

Whispers in the air, blood lines are falling

Millions of them souls, before our time

All connected by the blood that flows inside  

Great men that walked on these lands in the past

Alive in our veins and have become forgotten dust 

Guiding you from beyond the grave

To rise and reclaim your family's honor and lost name 

What has been lost and forgotten 

Buried away underneath the sands of time rotting 

Wake up, wake up, I hear whispers inside my head

Bring back what was lost and what lays with the dead

Rise above the ones that failed over time

And don't go to rest without a fight

Make an effort for the future bloodlines

Teach them that they come from forefather's brave, courageous and wise

Don't fret that you are alone in this fight

Your blood carries us all in your veins, together we'll fight

Just listen, you might hear our cries

We were once the reason for you to survive

You're all chosen, but to the one that hears our call 

The one who will redeem us through his worldly cause

Fighting to restore the honour and the balance

The reason behind, why our names still fly high in the heavens

To him we would stay forever in debt 

For he would be the one, who brough back what was dead

You my child, the weak one in the corner

Know that the ancestors are with you forever

So, don't worry, this is not a burden but a gift 

You will carry our wisdom, our courage and our strengths

Start alone and let them all call you a fool

As no man believe in such things in today's moons

But thousands of us dead and gone will be fighting by your side

As you stand for us, we stand with you no matter if it's day or night

We will help you change every wrong to right

Protect you from the world's remorse and unseen dangers that arise

Bloodlines are calling is there anyone out there to heed our calling

One amongst you will hear us, even if it takes a thousand eons in despair

The one with the strong heart and a lion's roar will he born again

He will rise one day and lead the herds back home

He will reunite the clans that have broken away through the ages gone before

He reassures them of the greatness that lies inside 

Sleeping dormantly waiting to be tapped and revived

He'll remind them of the ancestors that walked this earth before their time

Who had the same blood but lived life king size

His roar will call out to them and  remind them of the for-gotten bloodlines 

The ancestors from whom, they all have come  to life

And the wisdom they carry inside them, is not a lie

But a gift they carry, if only they realise

For lost fathers, mothers and great, great, great, grandfathers he'll fight

For them all he'll bring back the honor that was forgotten over the wine

The blood lines are calling they always do

Waiting for the chosen one to hear them or awaken in you

And maybe he's not that far from their cries

No dead is really gone as their essence always flows through our lives

And the dreams that were left halfway behind 

Will breath its first, when the right souls comes by

No one can stop the calling of the bloodlines

Greatness will always be followed by greatness 

Irrespective of the time gone by. 

------------- To all the great souls before me, let your greatness flow through me --------------